A Well Rounded Conclusion

March 30, 2022 6:06pm Published by Jules Smith in Whimsy On A Wednesday 23 Comments


Satirical Snapshots Bringing You Whimsy On Wednesday!

Don’t ask me where I’ve been because I don’t know. And by that, I don’t mean that I literally “don’t know” and got captured by aliens and had my memory wiped clean, no. That didn’t happen.  What I mean is that I don’t really know why I’ve been absent from this weekly (hahahahaha) blog. I’d like to say it’s because I’ve been out partying and travelling and haven’t had time but, err, nah.  A big fat not much has changed since lockdown rules and I’m beginning to wonder if I have a long Covid issue. Let me explain…

It’s Like Pulling Teeth

I went to the dentist. I have not been to the dentist for over two years because along with GP’s they didn’t see anyone unless it was a dire emergency. Even now we are back to normal you have to be in severe pain to get an appointment because now there’s a backlog. Same with GP’s. It’s 3 – 4 weeks for an appointment and pot luck if you can get a phone call. You basically get told to sod off to accident and emergency if you think it’s serious. Hmm. Anyone who has ever been in the waiting room of A&E knows that you are likely to spend thousands of hours waiting to die only to be told to go home and gargle with salt water and you’ll be OK. 

Many weekend afternoons and evenings have been ruined by a trip to A&E and after such an experience the thought of going fills you with dread and you start to play the lottery with your life. How bad is that pain in my left calf? Could it be a blood clot or did I just pull a tendon? Maybe it’s just hot because I stood too close to the fire. I’ve had it for three days now, surely if it was that serious I would be dead by now? Besides, the doctor’s receptionist with a medical degree in sweet FA doesn’t seem overly bothered. Is it really worth missing a Chinese takeaway and a few scoops with friends? No.

Suck It Up

My usual dentist, a bad-tempered menopausal Scandinavian, had left the dental practice and I was, surprisingly, a bit upset by that. I was looking forward to a bit of banter and an argument about whether or not I needed an X-ray. Instead, a sweet, quietly spoken Asian woman sat in her place. Her assistant looked like some kind of sexual gimp. Plastic apron, plastic glasses, and plastic gloves donned and a big tubular weapon ready to suck the saliva right out of you. You really have to wonder about anyone who wants to do that for a living, right? 

“Nice to meet you, new dentist lady. I have a bit of a toothache going on. Upper left middle-ish or thereabouts.”

“Is the pain really bad?”

The Test.  Do I really deserve to have this appointment?

“Well, I very nearly bit someone in temper the other day but I had to stop myself because biting down causes me pain. I find I’m eating sandwiches on one side which is a bit of a nuisance.”

“I’m going to prod around a bit – it might hurt.”

“Go for it. I have a very high pain threshold… OWWW! That hurt!”

Now, this shocked me because I used to be able to have a filling without even having an injection.

“I’ll need to take an X-ray.”

“Of course you do. Radiate away.”

After the check-up, and no real evidence of anything, she decided we’d have to wait and see what happens but next up was the usual teeth clean. Sucky psycho got well excited about this because now she could cause suction welts on my tongue whilst the dentist made my gums bleed. I didn’t care. I put on my plastic glasses and lay there like a hardcore bitch. 

However, this time, I found it all a bit noisy, a bit overwhelming and a bit of a lot uncomfortable.

Residual Viralitis

“I think Covid has given me a fear of dentists.”

“What?”

“Studies have shown that the results of long Covid have given people all sorts of things from brain fog, to pins and needles, weird anxieties and newfound bizarre allergies”

“Right.”

“I think it’s given me dental phobia. I need to leave.”

I have since found that I can use this to get out of just about anything.

Jules, could you give me a hand with this?

“No. Soz. I now have a deep fear of helping resulting in Raging Reluctance. Had it ever since catching Covid.”

“Oh…”

Try it. Gets you out of everything and leaves you free to do whatever you want. Though sometimes that’s not always a good thing. When you start to lose the will to do anything it spreads like a malaise into your own desires. You end up not even writing your own blog.

Rotten Tomatoes

I found a diddy macro-lens that someone bought me for my iPhone a few years back and started to play with it. It’s only a cheap little thing and it saves getting the big camera out when I go to the big outside to walk the wolfits. You can get some quite nice macro shots with it without all the fuss and palaver that comes with normal everyday life pro photography.

Since the weather has been unseasonably sunshiney and lovely I managed to get a few fun close up shots of things like flowers…

Blades of grass with a droplet of hope…

Some sort of yellow moss or fungi that grows on trees…

And a close up of a vine tomato I bought from Sainsbury’s.

 I’m rather alarmed at the yellow specks found on tomato skin and have discovered that macro food photography has given me a new idea for a diet book that will become a horrifying best-seller.  

Paint Me A Postcard

Talking of nature and stuff and following on from a podcast on the mystic musings of Sadguru – a yoga guru, I found myself looking up something to do with a tree. I forget what it was now as I got wildly distracted, as one does, and went from there to Birch bark and then on to something called Neurographics. 

Apparently, there is not only Art Philosophy in the world but also Art Psychology.  Honestly, I don’t think it has the same ring. Doesn’t roll off the tongue well at all. Still, I found myself interested in the visual infographic that came with the description. What a fancy, vibrant, abstract painted joy I witnessed.

Apparently, you can completely change your dreadful behaviours by having a bit of a go at drawing and painting in this fashion. I watched a few videos on how to do it and promptly got out my art materials to make a postcard for someone I knew would like this medium. 

You have to draw like this: Freely make blobs and lines and then round off all the corners.

Colour in the rounded blobs

And then stand up and shout “I Am Cured!”

Obviously, I’ve got a lot of work to do before I can honestly say that so decided a postcard was the better option.

How’s that for lighting up your life, eh? The workings of my mind are a sight to behold.  

 

23 Comments

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I have no idea how your bonkers mind works and whether I gave birth to a genius or a loony. I’m edging towards genius because I love that weird abstract art

I’d go with genius, definitely. Always go with your first instincts. Don’t listen to people like Masher.

Wondering where one can earn a degree in Sweet FA. Might come in handy as I’m certain it’ll lead to a TENURED position.

Well, Roger, over here many people seem to have a degree in this subject all of a sudden. I think you can get one by saving up cocoa pops tokens.

I’m glad that you’re still running around and in plague recovery mode. Taking pictures helps. Wolfits help. Friends help.

The world is in the same place, unless you’re Ukrainian (in Ukraine, not on a beach somewhere spending petrodollars) fleeing for your life. The aftermath of chaos continues. And it is all a bit of a fog. If you were to ask if I’m ok, I’d tell you that I’m fine. I’m a guy. If a woman says, “that’s fine”, men worry BIG TIME. Because woman “fine” is anything but. So it’s fine – all very nice but not very good. Is that the best that can be hoped for, Jules?

All those things help, LL.

The world is completely chaotic at the moment. I think Putin needs to do a bit of this Russian art therapy. God knows what his postcard would look like.

Yes, I’m looking forward to my gas going up today by trillions. I got my assessment the other day and couldn’t believe it. I immediately turned everything off and rang a man about a log burner.

If a woman says that, run. She has at this point reached a state of indifference and that is dangerous!

“It’s all very nice but not very good.” Yeah – I can totally get down with that. Very accurate. One day at a time, LL.

Well, I am not surprised the trip to the dentist found no concrete problem. This happened to me a while back. Love the postcard. When am I getting mine? It’s been years since someone from the blogs has sent me a postcard.

Aren’t dentists odd?

Email me your address and I will put you on my coveted postcard list so you can receive random postcard art and life vignettes!

i’m an expert in this, i’ve had 3 root canals. my dentist gave me the chef-smooch before surgery, he was the Swedish Chef from the Muppets.

always ask for the gas at the dentist’s office, the gas solves everything. i can’t eat out of one side of my mouth, either: solution: finger sandwiches.

i did the Neurographics art, all the blobs formed the face of Alfred E. Neuman…

*)

Yeah, my sweet, I think a root canal is what they do to teeth that hurt without reason. I don’t know how I feel about root canals.

I LOVE finger sandwiches!

It would be MAD to not come up with such an enigma. *)

Welcome back, Jules. Good to see you again.

I thought your blobby-art postcard looked like a surrealistic stained-glass window. Might be a name or record album cover in it if you keep at it.

“Long Covid”….that’s one I’m stealing. “Sorry, can’t make it tonight. My Long Covid is acting strangely again”…..

Hello drjim! Thank you for the welcome back!

Yes! I think it looked like a stained glass window. I do believe there is some contemporary potential in it.

You can blame long Covid on anything. Get’s you out of all sorts. I mean there’s gotta be an upside to it, right?!

Missed ya! Loved this commentary and the photos but most of all this beautifully crafted observation: “When you start to lose the will to do anything it spreads like a malaise into your own desires.” I swear, I and every other single soul I know who has had COVID agree with you there.

Aww Ginny, I thought about you a few days back.

Thank you so much! It’s so true about post Covid though. I too know of people who have experienced the same. Very strange. Use it to your advantage!

Big hugs

I’ve got the upper left middle-ish problem myself at the moment, the trouble is I’ve got a lower right forward-ish problem as well. Makes eating a tad difficult (was going to put ‘a trifle’ in there but that would have been a trifle ambiguous).

Bloody hell. I mean that’s heck of a thing. I would have put trifle in there. I think you’ve slipped that in very artfully, Rick. 😉

Ahh, welcome back.
I was wondering where you were. “Probably out taking pictures of doors, or summat”.
As for the artwork: if your mum is going with ‘genius’, then I’ll take ‘loony’.
One of us has got to be right.
Well done for staying inside the lines 🙂

Thank you, Masher. I was out taking pics but of tomatoes not doors or manhole covers. Waiting for the warmer weather.

You do realise that lunacy and genius run closely along the same thread?

Ah, shaddap! Took me all day that did and I didn’t even have any numbers to follow!

That yellow thingie is Xanthoria parietina also known by the evocative name of “maritime sunburst lichen”.

Ooh! Well, now I know. Thank you for that, MC. Now I can stop calling it “That Yellow Stuff”

That’s very interesting to say I’m absolutely nowhere near the sea! Perhaps it’s a sign! Move, Jules. The Seychelles beckon…

Beautiful pics! And dear Lord, teeth. Bought that t shirt…

Ahem, meant for next post #timeandspacetraveler

Thank you, LSP! And yes, I recall that ordeal.

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