July 14, 2016 10:33am Published by Jules Smith in Whimsy On A Wednesday 31 Comments

England's green and pleasant land.


Now that the English bird is back in situ, I have had a lot of Americans’ and Brits wanting to know what I’m missing and how I’m feeling about being back ‘ome. So, after a couple of weeks back in Gods’ country, here are my thoughts:

My initial reaction was inertia. I’m only just coming out of that and it’s sl-ooo-w.

Then panic set in resulting in immediately booking a flight back to Merrrica. But maybe that’s a personality thing.

Since being back, I’ve studied my country and home in more detail rather than taking it for granted and gone off and visited quaint little towns and things I like so I can evaluate my thoughts and feelings properly rather than basing them on emotional trauma.

There are lots of things I miss about the US of A and whilst there, didn’t really yearn for anything back in the UK except for the obvious things like fam, friends a decent cuppa and a crumpet. After careful analysation, I have come to this conclusion: I AM A COMPLETE MESS.

I am born to travel and made for adventure. Dual nationality is a necessity and I should have the key to the world. If I could amalgamate America and England into my perfect place, it would look like this:

  • The greenery of England is a sight to behold and I adore it. It makes me feel better. The tapestry of the land as I fly back to Blighty and look down makes me want to burst out singing ‘Jerusalem’ If I could take this but have the perfect sunny weather of California – win.
  • A decent cup of tea but still keeping huge, blended strawberry Margaritas.
  • An olde English Inn but with a Wild West Honky tonk dance hall.
  • Slutty town shoes and Doc Martens but also loads of cowboy boots.
  • A Peaky Blinders flat cap but also my cowboy hat.
  • Fish ’n’ chips and a Texan steak.
  • Cream teas but also honey wheat bread from the Cheesecake Factory.
  • Trifle and custard but corn bread and Olive Garden.
  • My own car and on the left , but the lack of speed cameras of America and giant pick up trucks.
  • The countryside of England but the backdrop of the Rockies.
  • Charming historical buildings and quaint towns but also preserved wild west towns like Silverton.
  • Statuesque cathedrals and minsters but filled with the members of Cowboy Church.
  • Walkable areas and shopping centres but the vast malls of America.
  • The positivity and charm of American people but the biting, acerbic wit of Englishmen.
  • Southern hospitality and also English reserve.
  • James Bond type city boys but also rugged cowboys.
  • BBC TV without commercials but the Texas Investors club.
  • An English breakfast but oh my goodness..American bacon hands down.

If I don’t make it as a lyricist in Nashville then I’m seriously considering opening a proper English tea shop in Texas which will be so cool that I will be able to franchise it across the states. You gotta dream big.

I leave you with the spirit of England….which I WILL be bringing back…

“Can I introduce you please, to a lump of cheddar cheese, knit one, pearl one, drop one, curl one.”


Leave a reply

You forgot: British bikes, but OMG, BIG, FAT, COMFORTABLE ‘MERICAN HARLEYS!

Oh my God, I did! Let me rectify.

Leather clad British bikers and Triumph’s but OMG, helmet free rides on big, sexy Harley’s!


The bright side of this is that you are able to enjoy the best of both worlds and encounter them with a artist’s eye and a poet’s heart.

Indeed, Larry! As a true Art Philosopher should!

Well said Larry!

He’s pretty smart ya know. Must be that English blood running through him ;P


I bloody love that song! It sums up England to a tee (or tea)

Well-Spoken Indeed…One foot in each world, and a heart in between.

Or a heart scattered about the planet. Hmmm…. that doesn’t sound so appealing!

* Superman + James Bond = the Bondsman, who bails Batman out whenever he goes on a bender

* french fries + chips = French chips, a delicacy

* Degrassi (Canadian) + Skins = Skins. just Skins. always Skins. Skins is the best. Skins is the pinnacle.

* Prince + Prince Harry = Purple Reign

* the alternative title to that song is “Spicy Symphony”


I LIKE it! I think the two countries should join forces. I mean, The Bondsman sounds like the ultimate superhero. He could have his own spicy symphony, be fuelled by French chips and skin Canadians. *)

You’re a modern day DeTocqueville, you are.

Haha! I think that I might be you know, James. Except…I’m trying to stay away from prisons!

I would have predicted this, Jules. Spend three months in a place and unless it’s Antartica you’re going to go native. The only way back is to watch Agatha Christie whodunnits and join a croquet club. Hammer a few balls and you’ll feel like a proper English lady again. 🙂

Yes, Mr. Gorilla Bananas, I am now a hybrid. A cowgirl in England. Most odd. Still, I don’t believe you can ever take the lady out of an English bird!

Off to play lawn tennis and Bridge. 🙂

Outstanding “heart philosophy” travel sum-up, Jules! You’re beyond a traveler. More like a lady time lord. Like Joanna Lumley as Dr. Who in the one skit where Dr. Who was a woman! Well, a younger, better-looking Joanna Lumley…

That’s not her in the title frame, of course. For anyone not familiar with Lumley, you have to go to the very end to see her part in this episode. Rowan Atkinson could pass as a homely woman with that long hair, though…

Ooh ! A lady time lord! I like it! In fact, I should be the next Doctor!

You’re now my new best friend, Sir. Charming words.

I see the High Sparrow from GoT gets around as a badass!

“Heart Philosophy” <~~~ I see what you did there! Very cool.

Jonathon Pryce is so funny in this skit, I almost cracked a rib snorking. Falling down the hatch into the sewer, getting older and older, trying to calculate the years lost climbing out, reminiscing about tender moments with sewer slugs passing in the night… I can’t stand it.

Yeah, that was classic!

How much longer until you pack up and move here?

You’ll have to find a way to make travel and adventure money-making schemes. That or get a sponsor.

Haha! Well, I ‘d like to live in both places. I’m sure I can find a way to make that happen!

Are you offering sponsorship? 😉

You can’t get bacon in England? Or is just that you can’t get GOOD bacon, or do they serve slices of ham like the canucks do (Canadian bacon) instead? Come to New York State, lots of green away from the Big City, and all the bacon you can eat is easily obtained if you have the money for it.

Well yes we can get bacon and it’s generally thicker more like Canadian although we also have the thin and yummy stuff that you have BUT… there’s just something about the crispy taste of your bacon that is as addictive as hell.

I quite fancy visiting there, actually – Happy for recommendations!

Wild, wild video, Miss Jules. A Bitter Sweet take-off : )

Cracking tune, Miss A and yes, a bitter sweet take off!

Then panic set in resulting in you immediately booking a flight to Bora and inviting me for a 100 drinks? Now, that’s the kind of panic that makes me smile. But maybe that’s a personality thing. Talk about emotional trauma, right? If I had the key to the world, you know I’d give it to you. “Here it is, Jules, the key to the world! Where’s my hug?”
A decent cup of tea but still keeping huge, blended strawberry Margaritas. CHECK!
Slutty town shoes and Doc Martens but also loads of cowboy boots. OH I’m all for it!
My own car and on the left , but the lack of speed cameras of America and giant pick up trucks. It should be the only friggin’ way.
The countryside of England but the backdrop of the Rockies. Wouldn’t it be something!
Walkable areas and shopping centres but the vast malls of America… where Blue can buy bootcut jeans!
Southern hospitality and also English reserve. Um….. How would you pull that one off?
James Bond type city boys but also rugged cowboys. That would be me on weekdays versus weekends. Just saying.
Yes, always dream big. Seems to me you know how to do just that.

Let me tell you now my Blue Bora buddy, if you can pull off the James Bond in the week and the cowboy at the weekend then I’m buying that dream big, Bora ticket now and a hundred hugs are yours never mind the drink! Hows that for a run on sentence! Also, bootcuts were made for cowboys and their bewwwts and who doesn’t love a cowboy, eh? Ah, Blue, mixing up the southern hospitality and English reserve is easy. When I have a margarita in each hand I can be as hospitable as the next Texan but when you wake me in the morning I’m dreadfully reserved! Now….give me that key! 🙂

That sure is one heck of a run on sentence. A plus! English reserve in the early morning… might be my speciality. It just might, though I’m not sure that being reserved is the same as being grumpy 😉

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published
Required fields are marked (*)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.