C is for Chicken Fried Steak

April 4, 2016 9:43pm Published by Jules Smith in Whimsy On A Wednesday 12 Comments

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Now when I was first told I was being taken for a chicken fried steak I naturally thought it was chicken. I mean why else would it have the word ‘chicken’ in it otherwise, right? Except it’s not poultry but a proper beef steak seasoned with flour and pan fried.

For those of you back in the sunny UK, don’t be thinking that this is the size of a piece of meat you might get there that is the size of the palm of your hand, oh no. This beast fills a plate that is bigger than my head!

“I can’t eat all that!” I exclaimed.

“It’s the law, you have to.”

“No I don’t. Have you seen my crossbow?”

“Eat it.”

“Do I get a prize if I eat it all?” I asked.

“Yes, you get another one free.”

LOL.

Along with this mammoth cutlet came sides like fries and beans and coleslaw and gravy that isn’t gravy like we know it but some kind of sauce that they call gravy, and…and… so on. Like you need ANYTHING ELSE.

Cue Monty Python:

Maitre D: And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint.
Mr Creosote: No.
Maitre D: Oh sir! It’s only a tiny little thin one.
Mr Creosote: No. **** off – I’m full…
Maitre D: Oh sir… it’s only wafer thin.
Mr Creosote: Look – I couldn’t eat another thing. I’m absolutely stuffed. Bugger off.
Maitre D: Oh sir, just… just one…
Mr Creosote: Oh all right. Just one.
Maitre D: Just the one, sir… voila… bon appetit…
(As the Maitre D’ takes cover, Mr. Creosote swallows the mint, expands and then blows up dramatically,
spewing vomit and guts on everyone and showing his open rib cage and still beating heart.)
Maitre D: Thank you, sir, and now the check.

 

I made it to the halfway point. It was tough going but I nudged the boundaries at least. It’s incredibly difficult to keep room inside for breathing. I don’t think I’m going to fit in my cowboy boots by next week.

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Finished up with an extra cold, watered down version of Guinness in an Irish pub. Why can I say? Everything you drink here is super cold. Good job the people here are as warm as hot buttered toast.

PS:  I had my first Root Beer last night and even though it really does smell like germolene, I like it.  Bit like Dandelion and Burdock.

12 Comments

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It sounds to me as if you are settling into frontier life.

Beautifully, thank you Larry 🙂

OMG that looks go good i’d eat it for breakfast. blogs and instagram need smellovision. root beer is best drunk in a chilled mug of large blocky ice cubes after you hit the home run that wins Little League and you and the fellas are waiting for your pizza playing Ms. Pac-Man in an ’80s arcade *)

Everything you drink is full of blocky ice cubes. You lot must go through ice faster than igloo makers!

It was proper fine fodder, that CF Steak! *)

I read about this dish before, I think it was in Robert Fulghum’s book if memory serves me right, and it looks gigantic! But why is it called chicken fried steak if it’s not chicken?

Hey Dee!
Oh it’s gigantic alright!

Why indeed..like why is it called the World Series when only America play? Beats me. 😉

I had no idea any of this was going on. What possessed you to visit there? What’s the attraction? And I, also, thought chicken fried steak was chicken. It isn’t? It goes without saying if you have a layover in NYC I’ll buy you a fancy cocktail.

The reason I am attracted to anything has layers of explanation, but this came about via friends and fitting into my Western novel.

A fancy swanky cocktail, eh? Sparklers and neon straws and everything? I’ll hold you to that if I get to the Big A 🙂

They do like their food, don’t they? Rather too much, if you ask me. Don’t let them turn you into a fat-ass, Jules!

I just got in a size 6 skirt in a proper posh shop so am currently dancing for joy. Dancing for joy helps with burning off the calories. 🙂

Murricans like their beer cold, steaks huge, and sides plentiful. Welcome!

Your writing is hilarious; I almost wish I waited to drop by until later in the month so I could read your Texan adventures all day long!

Why thank you Bee! And welcome here.

I’m glad to be of amusement and am sure there will be plenty more! I’m going on something called “The Beast” on Sunday, I plan a ranch experience in Colorado and I’m going country dancing honky tonk woman style, apparently. People round here feel the need to keep me adventurous which is just what I LOVE! So…come back 🙂

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