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Corona Corner #6

March 25, 2020 3:14pm Published by Jules Smith in Whimsy On A Wednesday 10 Comments

Moss on bark

Satirical Snapshots bringing you your daily dose of Corona Corner!

Good morning isolators!  It’s pandemic playtime!  Today I bring you another task to lighten your day and bring amusement to you and your friends.

Corona Corner #6 – Up Close And Personal

During this isolation period, I received the gift of a tiny macro lens for my iPhone.  To be fair, it’s quite a decent little tool – much better than I expected and I have had some very interesting, and some very Ewww – not so pleasant, close up views of things around me. 

Trust me, there’s more than this virus to make you want to wash your hands more!

Anyway, here’s the thing – my task for today is to get up close and personal with a macro lens if you have one  (only a fiver online) and a magnifying glass if you don’t.  

Take a gander…

Wood end

close up of a thorn

Bit thorny

Leafy greens

close up of a patio slab

Patio slab close up

close up of tiny flower

tiny perfect flowers

 

ants close up

Ant music

close up of dog hair

Tex hair!

close up of dog nose

Tex nose!

Grass close up

The grass is always greener!

Fun right?

Take a close look at the world around you today and don’t forget to…

#CurbYourFrustrationAndTaskInIsolation

 

Corona Corner #1

March 18, 2020 2:59pm Published by Jules Smith in Whimsy On A Wednesday 18 Comments

Empty aisles in supermarkets due to covid-19

Satirical Snapshots noticing that since Whimsy went AWOL – Corona came calling.

The powers behind this blog have recognised a need to address the balance with a daily dose of…

Corona Corner

 

In the beginning

gloved hand pushing supermarket trolly

They laughed at me, they did.  As I went about my shopping weeks ago wearing disposable gloves so I didn’t pick up any germs from the great unwashed. Oh, how I was mocked by friends, sneered at by strangers, eye-rolled by shop assistants…

Wow.  When I’m the only one without this beastly virus who will be laughing then? 

Yeah…

•crickets•

Anyway, since catching a dreadful virus with a fever and persistent dry cough, I have found myself  in quarantine.  Ordered to stay isolated for 14 days unless breathing in and out gets a bit dodgy. Not panicking about that at all.  The fact that drinking a cup of tea too fast made me very breathless did not incite any Oh-my-god-this-is-it-I’m-gonna-die fear whatsoever. 

DEAR GOD.  BREATHING IS KEY.

But it’s all gonna be fine… *Mantra*

And on the sixth day

…of my quarantine I have recognised that 14 days staying put is a long time for people with monkey brains.  Many people are going to have to come to terms with who they are, because:

Shoppers can’t shop

Amazon is no longer delivering prizes

Foodies can’t go to restaurants 

Goddesses can’t hang out at cocktail bars

Parties are a bit dodgy, and that’s even without the swinging

I think a lot of us are going to find out what we’re made of. 

Corona Corner Corrective

I don’t know about you but I feel like I’m in a movie – it’s very surreal.  Who knew my porch would be the safe-space of the future – a place for people to collect or deposit things?

They said on the news that being supportive as and when you can is important and that community spirit must prevail. People have been very nice to me:

I’ve had beautiful e-mails

Prayers

Many offers of food parcels ( and selflessly I’m not milking this )

Fabulous people walking the wolfit

An activity book

A list of films and series to watch

In return, I have decided to bring you an activity a day.  Something you can do that I have found either helpful /uplifting / stops you from killing someone.

Drum roll…..DRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Corona Corner #1 – Fleece Your Fridge

A clean and hygienic fridge

Now before you start getting all bent out of shape thinking this is a horribly boring job that you don’t want to do and you thought this was gonna be fun, Jules, DUH… hear me out.

I took something from my small refrigerator yesterday and thought, ‘hmmm…that’s a bit sticky.  Ewww.’  I wiped the jar and put it back noticing that something had leaked a little and upon closer inspection realised that,  “OH MY Darkest Days This Fridge is MINGING and no wonder you have Coronavirus, you filthy bitch!”

I’m a very clean and tidy person so realising that I had short-changed my domestic goddess in this area made me feel most sullied and unworthy. 

Out came all the jars and bottles and last weeks salad that had turned into its very own smoothie. Gross.

I ripped out all the funny little compartments and shelves.

I even found a rogue blueberry swimming in the outlet drain.  Explains a lot…

Corona Corner Conclusion

After getting to grips with this task whilst self-isolating the following things happened:

  • I stopped thinking about not being able to breathe properly
  • I rid myself of many out-of-date products that could have killed me
  • The rhythmic repetition of cleaning opened my creative mind and made me think up “Corona Corner”  You’re welcome.
  • I found some mascarpone, sun-dried tomatoes, mushrooms and half a pot of red pesto that I’d forgotten about.  I made a beautiful pasta sauce with this for my tea thus eating healthily and inventing a new pasta dish in a time of crisis. 
  • I will not have to do this job again because I’m going to keep on top of it / have a new fridge by then/ or will have written a best seller on how to survive a pandemic. 

May you enjoy today’s task from Corona Corner until I bring your next one tomorrow, and never forget…

#CurbYourFrustrationAndTaskInIsolation  

 

Gourd of the Manor

October 23, 2019 5:20pm Published by Jules Smith in Whimsy On A Wednesday 21 Comments

Gourd squash shaped like a bird

Satirical Snapshots Bringing You Whimsy On A Wednesday!

So, I got a new pet.

His name is Gourd.

I always wanted a bird.  One of those really naughty ones that shout at people and throw things around.

Instead, I got a puppet.

But now I have Gourd.  Because someone thought this would amuse me.  They were right.

Gourd is very easy to look after: No walks, no maintenance, no feeding, walking or fussing. Unlike my other pets who are incredibly needy. Not Gourd.  You can take him anywhere without an ounce of trouble.

Unfortunately, he only has a life -span of about 6 months. That may seem harsh but it stops you getting attached.

You can stick him outside come rain or shine and he will not destroy your garden.

He will sit quietly until you fetch him inside.

He adds interest at dinner parties…

He makes friends easily…

After some persistence…

He even managed to sneak up on a sleeping wolfit…

And a Jack Russell Terrorist…

He even made friends with my outdoor pet crow (also maintenance-free)  I purchased the crow in order to attract a group of them to swarm over my house for Halloween.  I also got an app on my phone that calls them.  When you say this out loud it makes me sound weird. Huh.

But not Kevin. Kevin hates him.

I love Kevin.

 

 

The Daily Grind

October 9, 2019 11:28am Published by Jules Smith in Whimsy On A Wednesday 29 Comments

Satirical Snapshots Bringing You Whimsy On A Wednesday!

I have often said that coffee is not just a drink but an occasion. As a Brit Chick my natural go-to is a nice cup of tea and a sit down but coffee has made its impact as a staple part in my breakfasting and morning mental health. When in America I opt for a bucket of cold, creamy coffee because it suits the Texan heat, whilst in good old Blighty I’m more prone to a simple flat white or an extravaganza with a floating mini gingerbread man. Like I said, coffee is a party. 

Being a naturally caffeinated person I max out on three coffees before becoming unhinged so choosing my favourites is key. Nobody wants to be disappointed by the hot stuff. 

Out in the dirt

view over English country land.

 

Everyday I saunter off out for an hour or so with the wolfit to a local country park. Or should I call it perk? Because situated near the entrance is a little cafe serving coffee.  Not just any old brew, I might add, but a coffee with a fast growing reputation for being a superior sepia supper.  It’s called 200 degrees.  Apparently, they roast their coffee at a lower temperature to make it smoother and tastier. Naturally, it would have been rude for me not to try. 

 

disposable coffee cup

 

And I have been trying it every morning for the last few weeks with rather pleasing results. After meandering through the fields I buy myself a 200 degrees flat white and park myself on a picnic bench overlooking the view.  The coffee is good, the wolfit lies down at my feet and I have time to assemble the ramblings of my mind and return to my desk with vigour and focus. 

Bean Thinking

One of the most wonderful things about this particular coffee are the 100% compostable cups in which it is served.  On the back of the cup is written a Coffee Blog from 1642.  

 

story on the back of a coffee cup

 

After reading this I understood why I felt so sprightly, what with all its wondrous benefits, but what I wanted to know most of all is what the blooming heck is Kings Evil?

Basically, if you get touched up by a King you’ll be OK. 

El Tomato

October 2, 2019 12:02am Published by Jules Smith in Whimsy On A Wednesday 10 Comments

Satirical Snapshots Bringing You Whimsy On A Wednesday!

Welcome to cooking with Jules!  

Cooking what? Meth? What with me now living in Villainous Village you might be thinking there’s a bit of Breaking Bad going on in the neighbourhood. 

Talking of mobile miscreants…

Here’s the thing about living in the ghetto – you have to be on high alert at all times. So, when you are woken by texts just before dawn you pick up your phone.  There might be a raid going on.

Because I am now residing in Corruption County, people come to me for advice from far and wide. 

Mein Gott!

Bloody hell!

Talking of bloody – and Hell…

I went downstairs to prepare a nice, hot cup of tea. As I waited for the kettle to boil and watched the birds flocking around the feeder I noticed that something was bleeding to death in the neighbours yard and seeping onto my patio.

Really? 

Did someone not pay the Patron? See, this is the sort of ‘goings on’ you can expect nowadays, when you live in the middle of it all.  

 I stood and watched the river of red as it crept menacingly across the slabs.  I then turned around and looked for the dog incase its head was missing. 

This neighbour is a salubrious garden centre – well, so they say. More likely it’s a money laundering operation for the street scoundrels.  What a perfect place to dump a body, underneath all the winter bedding pants…

I called them and made them aware that something was bleeding into my garden.  There was a long pause, some muffled voices and then they said they’d get back to me and hung up.  I got my BB gun ready – it wouldn’t be long before the head honcho knew I was onto him. 

They called me back sometime later with the flimsy excuse that it was red paint that had been washed down a pipe that had broken.  I’m not buying that, are you? 

Don’t buy tomatoes from there. They’re only large and juicy because of the compost they’re using, if you get my drift.

Talking of tomatoes…

It’s great when you have friends that have their own allotment because they give you lots of fresh grown produce for nothing.  This helps a lot as going shopping in the ghetto means leaving your abode unattended and your knicker drawer free for rifling. 

This week I got a harvest of tomatoes, red and green.  I decided to make some fresh tomato soup.  A great big pan of it.  I worked on the premise that it’s not good to bite the hand that feeds you so becoming the soup kitchen of the area might elevate my status. 

Look at these juicy plump fruits! ( not a thing to say in the local pub)

They got a roasting.

Added to my magical pan…

And made into beautiful harvest soup that I have laced with tranquillisers  will give out graciously to any visitors. 

Happy Harvest!

Autumnal Art Philosophy

September 25, 2019 1:10pm Published by Jules Smith in Whimsy On A Wednesday 17 Comments

Satirical Snapshots Bringing You Whimsy On A Wednesday!

Autumn’s here, it’s getting colder,

feeling tired and somewhat older,

Rain is forecast all week long,

To lingering light we say,“so long”

There’s no more eating out el-fresco,

Mince pies already on sale in Tesco, 

Summer has made a drastic exit,

Unlike the never-ending Brexit.

And that’s about how whimsical it is.

So, I went for a walk to find a bit of art philosophy.  Nature is man’s best medicine. 

What a grate idea!

Leaf it to the art philosopher!

Reddy at a drop!

As I was walking around the streets of England it came to my attention that I don’t have a puppy but in fact, a vigilante.  Yes, I am walking Batman…

And that is all.

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