Off Piste Posting (Any day thoughts)
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The Fysigunkus Finds His Curiosity

November 14, 2021 12:42pm Published by Jules Smith in Off Piste Posting (Any day thoughts) 6 Comments

Fysigunkus Picture Book

The Fysigunkus Finds His Curiosity!

And is set to become one of the Top 10 children’s picture books!

This beautifully illustrated, rhyming picture book features a story about the Fysigunkus (Fizzy-Gunk-Us) and we all know that children’s picture books with a message are undoubtedly the best kind.

What is a Fysigunkus? Well, it’s someone without any curiosity! Can you imagine that?

The Fysigunkus is a funny little creature who lives in Gravelly Hollow and does the same thing every single day, never wanting to learn anything new or try something different. 

That’s until the mad-chatting beast called the Whippersnapper comes flying in to help the Fysigunkus find his curiosity!

The types of children’s picture books that are most remembered are those that tell a wonderful story about how important it is to learn new things and have fun adventures along the way! The Fysigunkus does just that!

Aimed at children aged 3-6 The Fysigunkus Finds His Curiosity will have your child enraptured with this wonderful little creature and his colourful friend and become one of the best children’s books in their collection.

Available in paperback 8.5 x 8.5 inches and on Kindle for kids at Amazon UK and Amazon USA

Also by Jules Smith for children on their reading journey:

Loki’s Fire

October 30, 2021 9:22am Published by Jules Smith in Off Piste Posting (Any day thoughts) 2 Comments

Loki's Fire cover

HAS NOW BEEN RELEASED!

The much awaited sequel to Red Mist 

Loki’s Fire – By Larry B. Lambert & Jules Smith

Five years have passed since the Norse Goddess Eir appeared in the red mist of the erupting Bárðarbunga volcano.  Very little has been heard from her since she vanished from the safe house in Herefordshire, England.

The effect of neutrino research in China still results in volcanic eruptions, halting the planned forced expansion of the People’s Republic of China out of fear of forces that they don’t fully understand. However they’re making moves to remedy that situation through the recruitments of assets that can get them what they want. The Long March has been delayed, but can never be stopped.

In the Manila underworld, where nobody is quite who they seem to be, Mike Vega is working as an arms merchant against Chinese interests and is removing meddlesome people in favor of those same interests.

French/Korean Sylvie Kim, working as an agent of the Chinese Fourth Bureau of Guojia Anquan Bu in The Philippines, has a mission too, and that mission is Mike Vega.

Ilya Sergeivich Zavrazhin an upwardly mobile operative of the Russian SVR is under orders to beat everyone to the punch.

It is a land of chameleons embracing each other where the laws of cause and effect are confusing and the outcome is far from predictable and none of the actors have any genuine belief in Norse deities returned to Earth or in Loki’s Fire. 

But that’s about to change.

Loki’s Fire available to purchase now from:

Amazon – Apple Books – Google Play – Barnes & Noble – Baker & Taylor – SCRIBD – Tolino – Vivlio – Borrow Box – Kobo

Have you got yours yet?

 

Wordy Notebooks

October 24, 2021 2:09pm Published by Jules Smith in Off Piste Posting (Any day thoughts) 8 Comments

Wordy Notebooks

Don’t be an Eedle-Doodle – Show some initiative!

Who doesn’t need a notebook? Right. That’s exactly what I thought. And, what better than to have an interesting and rather unique notebook that shows you’re definitely not a Dulbert!

As a lover and collector of notebooks I decided it was high time to make my own. And, as a person of words I came up with this brilliant idea! 

Wordy Notebooks

Wordy notebooks bringing archaic English words back into the Great British Language!

There are over 20 to choose from and the selection is growing weekly! 

Wordy Notebooks  are available globally – which means everyone in the world can start talking properly again!

All you have to do is:

Go to Amazon and type in Wordy Notebooks by Jules Smith

Do you know a Doddypoll?

Then give them this notebook and maybe they will start writing things down and become less of an idiot.

Have you a Rawgabbit gossiping in your circles?

Give them this notebook and then they might have something useful to talk about!

Wordy Notebooks are college-ruled with:

  • 150 lined pages
  • 5×8 inches in size
  • Soft Matte feel good cover

What are you waiting for? 

Remember to type – Wordy Notebooks by Jules Smith- into Amazon. You’re welcome. 

Please spread THE WORD <—- see what I did there…

Wait! There are even more journals by Jules! 

Mind Journals

Hue is She?

Right, no more of this bafflegab. Thanks for taking note.

 

A Make-A-Monstory Success Story

September 3, 2021 12:06pm Published by Jules Smith in Off Piste Posting (Any day thoughts) 8 Comments

Thump? Who’s Thump?

You’re in for a treat, you are. Thump the monster from the Make-A-Monstory range has finally decided to tell his story and help your child learn to read!

Make-A-Monstory cards are now available to purchase and in this blog you’ll find some valuable information on getting your monsters Learning To Read The Monster Fun Way! 

Reading should be fun, right?

 

Why I Created The Monstory Series

In the past I have worked with many children in clubs, charities, and schools and found that children learn a lot better when the activity is fun. I am a personal fan of nonsense rhyme and silly stories and every adult I ask always remembers a silly nursery rhyme or ditty from their childhood. Silly makes sense, see!

I find that children’s reading activities are either forced upon them with a ‘you must read this school book’ or very passive – a bedtime story that is read to them whilst you try and make them go to sleep so you can watch Outlander with a glass of wine.

I wanted to bring something different to the market that would help children start to enjoy reading and help them learn through an interactive activity. As a writer, I want to make a difference to the readers and writers of the future and get families playing together rather than stuck in front of a screen. 

These revolutionary new put-together story cards will bring many happy hours to both you and your child as they experience the excitement of learning with their new Monster friend. It’s an adventure, an interactive experience, and guess what? Your child will be learning to read without even realising!

Who couldn’t like a monster as adorable as Thump?

 

 Get your child Thumping forward and learning through play!

A child learns best by engaging and interacting with their environment.Play is far more powerful for children than many parents realise. It’s actually the key to learning. Researchers and educators across the world have found that play can help enrich learning and develop key skills such as inquiry, expression, experimentation, and teamwork.

We all know that reading to children is a must, but actively involving your child with the story and encouraging them to help that story develop is a much more interactive experience for both parent and child.

One in 5 children cannot read well by the age of 11

Don’t worry – Thump is here to help!

The monster stories are designed to introduce your child to a fun character whose rhyming story unfolds card by card as they find the words that finish the previous sentence, following on from the last card.The ending word that they must find all rhyme and the cards have clues and prompts to make sure the story is followed accurately.

Your child will start to recognise words, rhyming sounds, numbers, and the corresponding amount of dots to each number encouraging counting, all whilst following the adventures of a wonderfully exciting and friendly monster.

Where are Make-A Monstory Cards From?

Make-A-Monstory cards were imagined, designed, and created in the UK.

There is none of this importing cheaper products from abroad when we have the ability to create superior products that are built to last right here in the UK and support local businesses. 

This means we use quality, trusted materials and can offer a reliable service and delivery to our customers.

Make-A-Monstory  cards are made from heavy duty card stock and are a whopping 30% bigger than usual flashcards making them easy for your child to use and to see the words and illustrations clearly. 

The cards have rounded corners and are gloss laminated for extra sturdiness and longevity. Parents who have bought these cards are quick to tell us how happy they are with the quality of the Make-A-Monstory product. 

Read What Some Of Our Customers Have To Say Here!

Know any children that could use a friend like Thump?

Currently available at a discounted rate with free shipping to the UK from the Make-A-Monstory Page below. Available soon with Amazon Prime.

Vist the Make-A-Monstory Page 

Red Mist – The New, Must- Read, Science Fiction Novel

August 9, 2021 10:53am Published by Jules Smith in Off Piste Posting (Any day thoughts) 10 Comments

Red Mist

Your waiting days are over and Red Mist  the brand new sci-fi novel is now available as a paperback and ebook across all platforms.

It’s About Legends

Legends endure for a reason. Sometimes they survive to impel our cultural hubris. Occasionally they endure because they instil a sense of focus on what was and perhaps a vision of what will be. They are always a reminder. When they come back to haunt us, things start to get interesting.

And Mystery

A couple in Iceland, very much in love, visit a historic site. Suddenly he throws himself into a volcano, burning to a crisp in front of her eyes. Thereafter, it is always raining.

The dwindling North Sea Oil supply is suddenly rejuvenated with a new discovery; a huge oil field of light, sweet, crude worth billions. Exploration, drilling and pumping begin to breathe life into a faltering industry. Just as things seem to be going well, the oil is polluted with radioactive thorium. 

Agencies And Intelligence

US Army Special Forces operators in Iceland on an exercise are drawn into a crisis and as NASA withdraws, they boldly face the challenge. All but one are rendered insane and the memory of Red Mist turns into a quest for answers – that the CIA already has.

A Fixer and a Shrink

In Texas, a political fixer is called on to deal with a situation and finds himself completely out of his depth.

In England, a psychologist’s life is turned upside down as a skald makes a disturbing prophecy.

Science and Experiments

In China, aggressive experiments into neutrino research create a completely unforeseen disaster and portend a global cataclysm of Biblical proportions.

And…

Just when you’re sure that you have all the answers and are confident that the science is settled, it isn’t.

 

GET YOUT COPY HERE

Happy New Tier!

January 8, 2021 3:58pm Published by Jules Smith in Off Piste Posting (Any day thoughts) 23 Comments

Satirical Snapshots Bringing you a long overdue blog post!

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”

The world has gone quite mad, dear reader, has it not?  

On the Only Day of Christmas 

I had my day of Christmas with the famalam which was wonderful but by the time they left at around 8.30 pm I was shattered. Another consequence of the lockdown is that I am no longer able to deal with large groups of people for more than a day.  It was like getting over the flu (do we still have flu anymore?) and took me a week to get back to normal usual being my pandemic self again. Although, it could have been the result of too many chocolate oranges. A gift from Terry’s that always finds itself in one’s stocking. This year, instead of getting one or two of them, I received about 79.

It’s a Brave New Year Just the Same 

Found me still surrounded by chocolate oranges. Naturally, I continued eating them because it is a violation against chocolate to throw them away.

What else can you do in another national lockdown anyway? Apart from knitting or running that seem to be the favoured pandemic pastimes over here. 

Turns out I found a new type of running. The aftermath of “tapping it and unwrapping it” and adding segment after segment into your cake-hole is restless legs shaking so violently you could give Joe Wicks a run for his money with sofa jogging. The sugar coma that follows is so intense your get-up-and-go marches off to the nearest canal and drowns itself. 

Now that’s a workout, Wicksy. 

Talking of Bingeing…

I found that I have been unable to write, aside from marketing for businesses desperately trying to survive in these conditions – which sucks all the mojo out of me. Reading, Netflix, and Amazon Prime are my saviours when I lose the will to co-operate. 

I have binge watched Disney Pixar movies because morals and lessons are good for me. I spend at least an hour thereafter in a loving and giving frame of mind. 

My other favourites have been ‘The Queens Gambit’ which has got me back into playing chess, and ‘Bridgerton’ – A period drama offering super-scintillating-scandal! 

And then there’s ‘Death to 2020’ A mockumentary which I found uncomfortably (not spared from the usual narrative) amusing. 

This satirical film has a character called Gemma Nerrick, an “average citizen” who declares that lockdown has given her a multi-personality disorder. This made me laugh so much I nearly choked on my Terry’s CO. 

But then I realised that this comical little gem delivered truth in jest.  

Yes. I too have entered into the world of disorder. 

Let’s Look at This Lickety-Split

This lockdown business really does make you a bit weird and maybe this is how our brains cope with being caged like capricious monkeys. Here are my multi- personality, pandemic inhabitants:

Compliant Cadence 

Does not come out to play very often but when she does, she is calm and somewhat yielding because, well,“it is what it is.”Cadence often feels a tad spaced out and on a bit of a go-slow. No need for aggravation or major tasks. Cadence likes to spend time ruminating over endless cups of tea and wearing comfortable, oversized cardigans. Sometimes found casually flicking through magazines and folding up warm washing from the dryer. Generally her day is spent musing and dreaming of possibilities or watching birds soar though floating clouds. Cadence tends to be largely OK with everything around her until the novelty wears off which tends to happen rather speedily. 

Princess Peachy

This goddess of delight is imbued with the spirit of Snow White. She wakes with a smile, singing to the animals, and to the neighbours, whether they like it or not. Peachy’s aim is to have house beautiful by tea-time so she dusts and cleans until everything, and I mean everything because obsession takes over, shines until she can blow kisses at her own reflection in the polished surfaces. After which, an array of scones, cheese straws and cookies cool on the kitchen surfaces after a Great British Bake Off. The evening is spent gorging on these delights during a film that Peachy promptly falls asleep to after domestic exhaustion and she ends up going to bed rather sneezy and grumpy.

Anxious Alicia

This personality is fuelled by watching way too much news and reading endless conspiracy theories. Alicia thinks that everyone is going to die or have long term health issues and the vaccine won’t help because it’s made of old people’s toenails and the entrails of choir boys. Alicia believes that eventually we will all be in motorised wheelchairs with oxygen tanks and frets about how we will we all fit down the aisles at the supermarket.

She spends the day fixated on the gloomy news headlines and waiting for Boris to make yet another announcement about how the virus is overtaking the planet and now we can’t even go in the garden. However, Alicia’s time is used vigilantly between wringing her hands and washing her hands until they bleed.  

Alicia wipes everything down with super-strength bleach then goes to bed not being able to breathe due to overuse of chemicals and lies there all night long thinking “this is it”

Bastardette the MOFO Queen Bitch From the Deepest Bowels of Hell, With Bells On 

Do not approach this personality under any circumstance because she hates everything and everyone without exception: the masked, the none- masked, the compliant and the rebellious alike, all the newsreaders, knitters, runners and basically all-and-sundry including and especially, Joe Wicks. 

Bastardette is usually found tearing new arseholes for people or getting into unnecessary arguments about any topic you choose to bring up. And if you can’t think of one, she will find one to attack you with. If unable to find any prey, she can be seen lining up her chocolate oranges on her bedroom windowsill ready to hurl at the many passing runners who totally get on her tits. 

The “It’s not Terry’s, it’s mine” chocolate orange slogan swiftly replaced with Bastardette’s new strap line, “Terry can have the feckers back” 

Cue 2021’s new and adapted dystopian crime film – A Clockwork Chocolate Orange.

 

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