Confessions Of A Shop Steward – Part 1: Brad.

February 5, 2016 2:50pm Published by Jules Smith in The Art Philosopher 22 Comments


My name is Brad and I’m a trucker. Sometimes people find it amusing to change that word but they only do it once. I’ve done this job for 17 years, travelling the roads five to six days a week and knocking up 70-80 hours. I often sleep in my cab at various service stations around the country and I am sometimes knocked awake by the ten a penny, eastern European prostitutes looking to bag a few quid. When I say ten a penny, that’s not far off the mark as you can get a gobble for a fiver which is cheaper than a fry up at the greasy spoon.

The perks of my job? Summer time. What you birds don’t realise is that the angle from my truck window into your car is perfect for looking down your flimsy top and in between your legs when your skirts get higher. Plenty of material for the wank bank. The exhibitionists are amusing too and there’s more of them on the road than you might realise. There used to be a bird who drove a BMW up and down the A5 at night time. I’d clock her in my truck mirror creeping up the side of me until she was level. She’d stay beside the cab for twenty seconds, flashing her stockings before accelerating off and exiting at the next junction. Fifteen minutes later she’d be back, this time in just her underwear. This would carry on until she was completely starkers. The A5 run became a favourite and all the lads would try and bag it to get a bit of a thrill from the mystery prick tease.

Sometimes though, it isn’t quite as pleasant. Now and then you’ll get guys pulling up beside you flashing their cocks and masturbating. I normally wiggle my little finger at them and their tiny peckers because I can’t jump out and punch the twats. Following on from them are the coach loads of revellers that have been hours on a bus and need to stop. I’m sat in my cab with the light on reading, taking a 45 minute break whilst a group of people run into the verges to take a piss. That’s when one of them will spot me and shout, “Look at him, the PERV!”   These are the people dropping their keks and flashing me whilst I sit minding my own business on a law required stop.

Oh, and while I’m at it, there’s one thing I want to mention to all you car drivers out there on the motorway. Not only can I drive an HGV for hours on end but when I get out, I jump into my car to go home. This makes me a far more competent driver than you. Next time you pull in front of me and brake hard try and remember this: I’m working up 16 gears in 44 ton artic so you might want to consider my stopping distance and what that might do to you and your car if I can’t brake in time. The camera in my cab  can clock your number plate and if you pull off at the same services as me, you might get more than a stretch of your legs if I see you.

People wind me up and if there’s one thing I’ve learnt doing this job, it’s that the world is full of idiots. That belief was reaffirmed when the company asked me to be a shop steward and fight for the right for numptys’ to keep their jobs.
I’m an easy going bloke unless you get in my face and then I’m good at making you reconsider your position. I think that’s why the management asked me to take this extra role.

The few stories I’m going to tell you about soon will make you wonder who the idiot really is: The people I try to help or me for taking the job as union representative.


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I wonder if he has a passport photo ID …. X

Oh my gosh, cakes. I’m saving that story till later. I still haven’t got over that incident! x

Why would management want him to be a shop steward if he’s effective? Isn’t it the workers who put up the best guy for the job?

Grinding gears on an eighteen wheeler while you’re trying to manage a sandwich and a beer is a challenging enough job without adding shop steward on top of it.

I don’t know, Larry, I’m just the storyteller.. Why do the bigwigs in any company decide to do what they do?

Well, yes I agree with that but since it gives me grist for all your entertainment, I’m not arguing. 🙂

Long-haul lorrie drivers have a language all their own.

They certainly do. One not for the ears of a lady and one they make up on a CB radio.

Surely the woman in the BMW is breaking the Highway Code? It’s about time someone pulled her over and gave her a good long talking to. A responsible truck driver should avert his eyes… unless he intends to ask her father for her hand in marriage.

I don’t even know if driving naked is a breach of the Highway Code or not. Since I regularly break the rules who am I to say anything. BUT..

Here’s the thing. Why didn’t one of these guys have the foresight to be the wingman to his fellow truck driver in a fast car? Then, when said tease turned up, he could have followed her!

You’re the storyteller.
Make it so!

I’m happy to make the suggestion, Masher but I’m not willing to get involved with either truckers or mad bints in beemers. I have a certain level of class to maintain. I am but the minstrel to others mayhem.

happydance weekend, my sweet *)

Ha! She must be the prick tease! Happy weekend *)

Okay, bring ’em on. I’ll decided who the idiot is for myself.

I’m wondering where the source/inspiration comes from for this. You’re about as far removed from a long-haul trucker as you can get. You’re a delicate rose petal.


Thank you, Mark.

Thing is, I’m very cheeky. In fact I have more cheek than an augmented Kardashian arse. I find that I can get away with asking people all sorts of stuff and they tend to tell me. And even though they say it’s confidential when I ask if I can write about it they say yes. Its a gift. If only I had some sodium thiopental to go along with it – I’d be churning out best sellers every month!

“From behind, we like to sneak up on you from behind…”

We like trucking, we like trucking, we like trucking and we like to truck! Classic!

Gonna go get myself a hedgehog buttie!

I’m sure Jinks could embellish more on the diary of a trucker/fireman/.gedling man!

Ha! Can you imagine those stories?! .Gedling man to the rescue with our Scotts fog!



Plenty of material for the wank bank… I had no idea. I have never been flashed before. Do you reckon that’s a good thing?

The things men think of…

A good thing to be flashed? I think it’s just a random thing that happens. I’ve never been flashed either but I’m sure there’s time.

Where are my scissors…..

Hahaha I know. Men are terrible, even the blue kind.

Blue movies and all that, eh.

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