Golden Virginia

October 18, 2017 4:06pm Published by Jules Smith in Whimsy On A Wednesday 25 Comments

Satirical Snapshots Bringing You Whimsy On A Wednesday!

I took myself off to Virginia to see how our first colony of the new world was getting on after all these years. Nice.

Unfortunately, they seem to have forgotten what “Royal” means and there are no prisoners with the countrymen of VA.

I spent my time hauling tree limbs, driving trucks full of wood for bonfires, brushing a horse, feeding a mare, leading a horse (not to water) and working in the wood-shop.

Cowgirl status upped another peg and I didn’t even chip my nail varnish.

A Jurassic Paddle

I had great fun kayaking in the Rappahannock River and paddling through little off-shoot creeks. I decided I’d quite like to spend my days on a kayak exploring the waterways with a pack up of sarnies, cold beers, a notebook and a camera. I thought that right up until I was told that bull sharks have been found in said river and that many people have died by getting stuck in the mud swamps. This I learned AFTER the event. Still, I made a good oarsman and apart from getting myself soaked due to my enthusiasm, I reckon I’ve got the boat life nailed.

All’s Fair

I went to the State Fair and overcame my fear of cows. People here take their cattle very seriously and a moo cow salon seemed to have been set up with heifers everywhere having a shampoo and blow dry. Bonkers.

A note to Virginians: Being such a close relative to the Great Englishman I would have expected your beer tents to open way before 3 pm. In the UK this would cause an almighty ruckus and the fair would probably be torched by the villagers for insensitive behaviour.

I ate a great big sausagey thing here and a pretzel with butter. I saw someone else eating what I thought was an enormous fried flower head but turned out to be a ‘blooming fried onion’ – Your onions are very big. Very big indeed. And having seen the size of your turkey legs I’m now on the lookout for overfed, 6-foot gobbling poultry flocks. Scary.

Jules in Jamestown

Ah, where the British Empire began!

I have a question. The folks of this settlement suffered from starvation and illness. There are reports at the museum of cannibalism and even people eating the leather soles of their shoes they were so hungry. My question to the volunteers was this: This settlement is right on the river- a river full of fish. In fact, I read of them boasting about catching 65 plus Sturgeon a day, so why did they starve?


Virginia is very beautiful in the Autumn and I’m glad I had the opportunity to witness its glorious countryside at this time of year. I even ticked off another one of my “Weird Merrican things I wanna do” which was sitting on a pick-up truck tailgate, swinging my cowboy bewwwt donned legs, beer in hand and watching the sun set over the countryside. Bloody fabulous.

Thank you to all the people there who made my visit so lovely.

And here is my video evidence:


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I love tidewater Virginia, and the Rappahannock plantations with their B&B’s is quite the place to explore.

Lucky lady!!

Yes, LL it’s fabulous. Now I need to check out the military area…😉

It looks beautiful I think you should claim it back as we are leaving the EU we need our colonies.
Keep having great adventures they make great blogs
Keep SAFE but have fun. Queen Jules of Virginia sounds about right!

Don’t worry, our flag still flies. All I have to do is steal a house and a horse and I’m in 😉 it’s very pretty.
I will, I promise.

Utterly wonderful, thank you, as always for sharing 💕 xx

You are utterly welcome, my darling lovely Rebekah! 🙂 xx

Glad you had a nice time in Virginia, named after your “Virgin Queen”. Nice pics and narrative. The video was great too.

I believe said, “turkey legs” you spotted were Ostrich or Emu, and yes we have big onions here. Cows have feelings too ya know. Ditto with pigs. 🙂

We still have plenty of wild lands here in the colonies. Jurassic is appropriate.

The reason our beer tents open at 3 PM is because evangelicals don’t think we regular Virginians don’t practice proper restraint.. which is technically true as we can wander into familiar British kinsmanship.

I’m left thinking that the Jamestown clan didn’t care for fish much… salted corpses were more akin to Brit food…. or maybe it was the Injuns who barred them from fishing. 50-50?

Btw, in case you have any inclinations…. we’re not giving it back without a fight. 🙂

You eat emus…? Dear Lord. And you and your lot have the nerve to rib me for my food? Huh! 😉

What you need is the Brits coming back to sort out the beer tent issue, ‘Nox!

I can fight. Just so happens I got taught how to whilst I was out there- OH WHAT A COLOSSAL MISTAKE THAT WAS! Hahahahaha! Now where’s my flag….

For the record, Emus are tasty… I kid you not. Tastes like steak. The hard part is chasing the bastards down as they run fast. Roping them from horseback is also a challenge. Still safer than Ostriches as they will kill. Seriously. They ain’t big chickens.

We certainly need the beer tent issue straightened out quickly. Hurry up and get back here, our legislature is still in session.

“Fightin”? Game on. 🙂

Now now Jules, you haven’t lived until you’ve emu’ed. And it’s so versatile. As my friend Bubba used to say “Ya got yer grilled emu, boiled emu, BBQ emu, fried emu, coconut emu, curry emu, emu gumbo, emu sushi, and don’t forget to save room for some spotted emu dick ! Just be careful not to confuse them with those nasty rheas. Yuck !
But don’t take my and Hardnox’s word for it, see for yourself :
Get yer grub on !

Coconut emu and emu sushi. You’re right, I haven’t lived. And quite frankly, I’m happy to remain cossetted in my sheltered existence, Terry, than wander over to the healthier side of life. Thankfully, I’m in TX where they eat REAL MEAT like beef and pork. All hail Texas.

Get your poncey grub off my BBQ! 😉

Hahahahaaaa…so the Texans gave you the old “This is REAL Texas beef” line, eh ?
I’d advise you to search their property for the discarded armadillo shells.

Ain’t no Texan ever lied to me, Terry. They have old southern manners and are scared of Princesses 😉

The sun never set on the British Empire, but you made it through the Virginia rapids. Well done!

Never, LSP!

I know! I am starting to feel multitalented. I should win a treat or something:)

Aren’t State Fairs the best? I’ll never be too old for them. Do you have the equivalent in the UK or are they a purely Yank contrivance?

You do realize that the sausagey comment is going to open you to all sorts of unwanted attention, do you? You only have yourself to blame.

It’s a ‘bloomin’ onion.’ Not a blooming onion. And they’re gross.

Nice rowing. You’re almost as good as I am.

Yeah, we have fairs. In fact, where I live, we have the biggest travelling fair in Europe. The whole lot of ’em get together and make a big ‘un. You can’t get fried butter or insanely large ‘ bloomin’ onions but you can get mushy peas and endless other delights.

Hold on a moment, no one and I mean NO ONE is as good a rower as you, M – Not even me,!

not gonna lie, when this first came in my email inbox I read it as Golden Viagra and checked the spam filter. but I could use a smoke.

violators will be violated? sounds fun.

beautiful countryside. historic. I’d love to travel there one day. in a wooden-hulled, three-masted ship.

actually I think I could use that Golden Viagra. been feeling lethargic.

merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a hologram…*)

Maybe they should mix Golden Viagra with Golden Virginia for a complete during and after experience. I feel you may have stumbled on a niche, my sweet. Call Hollywood, they buy into anything.

I would like to sail back on a sip wearing a crown and demanding … all sorts of things.

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily – that’s my motto! *)

Beautiful, Jules! What a wonderful
adventure. Where are we off to next?

Thank you, Jane. Well, I’m currently in a secret location that is very enthralling – or something like that. All will be revealed next Wednesday. Too much excitement at once will make you queasy. 🙂

I see you like to wear flimsy see-through tops when you’re holding a big weapon, Jules. 🙂 The colony might still be British if you’d been there when the rebellion started!

Stop the bus, my favourite gorilla has returned from his Congo junket! Hoorah!

One has to use all their wiles when ready for attack, Mr Gorilla Bananas. I think I have a fairly decent chance of taking it back – leave it with me and my paddle!

Looks amazing Jules!
State Fair & Goose Fair there’s guns & dodgy food at both 😂
I think your American friends should experience our famous fair!

Thanks, Hazel! That is so true! I don’t think they’d cope with the mushy peas, big dummies ( not referring to the GF people but could be mistaken so!) and pikey pickpocketers! Still, it’d be fun to witness!

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