Hanging In Houston

November 2, 2016 5:25pm Published by Jules Smith in Whimsy On A Wednesday 15 Comments

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Satirical Snapshots bringing you whimsy on a wednesday (Still from across the pond)

Spanking Patties

Let’s talk about food since there are SO MANY RESTAURANTS here it would take me 27 years to get round them all.  To be honest, I’m not doing badly as my Fairy Godmother likes eating out at highfalutin places.

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Allegedly the best burgers in the world.  I’m more inclined to go for best t- shirt.  Get me a spanking patty, boy with extra spice! Chop chop!

Oh no, Ma’am. A special kind of coconut shrimp for the likes of you.  How fortuitous…fishy…

 

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But wait!  What’s this I see?  FRIED MILK BALLS!  Well, I need to try that!  I was expecting to be disgusted but oh!  What heaven.

 
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Here in my car, I feel safest of all

Well, it had to happen at some point didn’t it.  As my American famalam waited for the check and used the restrooms (look at me speaking Merrrican) I went outside to find the valet man and instead got bumped into by a nutter on the edge.  When I say bumped into, I mean literally.  He was hysterical.  Especially about his life.  It wasn’t going well.  Things were not very rosy from his POV.  He began to regale his story of woe, to me, the listener. The terrible tale was interspersed with wailing and cursing. My street smarts kicked in.  I tried to placate and humour and empathise but with a soupçon of empowerment.  Off the cuff psychology after several margaritas and a gob full of fried milk balls is very difficult.  I managed an escape and went back into the restaurant and nabbed a nasty looking spoon.   A lot can be done with a nasty spoon. Back outside, this happened…

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Said guy was cuffed and safely ensconced “in car” for kicking off.  Last seen talking to yours truly.  Hello officer…

Maybe, since I clearly send people mental,  this is the car I should be driving:

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But no.  “Jules, this is your ride home!”  said Fairy Godmother.

“Are you kidding me?!”

“You wanted to go in a big ass pick up, right?!”

This is what Fairy Godmothers do best.  Make wishes come true.  I went home in this beast!

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Now that’s what you call big and frightening.

Talking of scary

I experienced Halloween several times over. Special events seem to go on forever here.  It’s the longest Halloween I’ve ever known. First stop, dancin!  I have new boots.  They needed to be christened.

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I don’t know what they were spiking my drinks with but I started to hallucinate. That, or I passed through a wormhole to another dimension.

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Best costume of the night. Was this you Mr. Gorilla Bananas?

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Try to contain yourself!

Shopping here is most unusual. It’s a whole new adventure for me.

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Love this shop.  There is a box for everything.  Seriously.  These people think outside the box in boxes. Within this store I met “Ribbon Man” Oh, yes.  I spent an hour learning how to tie things up.  Prettily.  If you find nutters tied to railings with beautiful bows, I did it.

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I then went to Costco for a much needed hug.

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And then to the supermarket for Texas sized refreshment. Bigger is always better.

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These refreshments help me ponder a very serious question.  One I’ve been considering since it was posed a couple of weeks ago. I have agonised over it and tried to philosophise but can’t seem to come to a definitive answer.  Maybe you can help me?

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Answers on a postcard, please.

15 Comments

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“Are you a turtle?” relates to a secret club. If you’re asked you need to answer with; “You bet your sweet ass I am.”

Honestly.

Good point, Mr. Whitby. I will practise saying it out loud with “Club member” confidence. Who knows where it might lead.

Love you Jules and your adventures ‼️❤️

Love you too, Janet! Cowboy Churchers are the BEST people in the whole wide flippin’ world. Particularly International ones! Love to y’all. x

“Houston, she’s got a problem.” But it seems the police came to your rescue. The mountebank in a gorilla suit was no relative of mine, Jules, but I wish I’d been there to participate in the festivities. You have sexy forearms, BTW. 😉

Oh yes, Mr. Gorilla Bananas. What a tricky incident indeed. However, I got away with my menacing psychology and am free to be mischievous once more.

I didn’t think he was up to your calibre.

Well that’s never been said to me before, ever. Thank you kindly, you discerning ape! 🙂

Y’say y’all got new boots, but y’ain’t posted no pictures.
Shame on you, girl!

How remiss of me! Next post, they will be donned and photographed, Masher!

Hugging the Costco bears will cure what ails you.

You can do the same thing with a mechanical bull, but it won’t end well.

I loved hugging that bear, Larry. It was gigantic. I thought it would make a lovely, soothing, comforting bed. I wish people would start thinking like what I do!

I owned the mechanical bull. Stayed on longest!

Haha! The lunch spanker! Mind you, bacon in mac and cheese….mmmmmmmm. Bear hug *)

What a neat post! I especially liked the silver building. They exist in Dallas, too, and come into their own at sunset, but what happens when they focus the Sun onto people, in the afternoon?!? Vaporize. It’s an issue; and be careful showing mercy on the streets, please. Not England…

What a neat shiny Rig! Must upgrade…

I like the silver building too, LSP. It’s the Williams tower near the waterfall. Trippy! Yes, true dat. One can be scorched, violently in this city.
Yes, I’ve been warned not to be so forgiving on the streets. Not that I did any bloody good! Tipped him over the edge more like. Meh…

Rig is OTT. Keep it simple. Yours is fab.

Very funny post, Jules. You have an extremely witty outlook on life and that’s commendable.
I’ll be sure to be on the lookout for tied up villains in ribbons and shreds.

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