Start Whining and Then Wining!

September 9, 2020 4:39pm Published by Jules Smith in Whimsy On A Wednesday 14 Comments


Satirical Snapshots Bringing You Whimsy On A Wednesday!

Don’t you get sick to death of things not running smoothly?  Oh looky-do, here we go again with me having to follow up / sort out / get some control back of a situation or service that you paid good money for so you don’t have to worry.  And then you find yourself in the midst of the chaos caused by the incompetent ones wondering how they even got out of bed that morning let alone have a bloody job.

I’ve had a lot of that recently. 

What a colossal pain in the arse.

Uh-Oh – It Looks Like Complain!

But, here’s what happens when you keep doing the same thing over and over again – you get good at it. I have now made complaining an art form. OK, so it’s made my blood pressure go up; it’s made me a snarkier and more impatient individual and it has given me further trust issues, but I am finally good at something.

It all came to a head with the bank. 

Bankers. The lot of ‘em

I have a particular issue with banks because they are vicious control freaks that make money from your money and are very sociopathic when it comes to relationships. Add that to the COVID mix and you get all that plus passive-aggressive dismissal. 

During the global virus, I needed two pieces of paperwork from the bank, one for my accountant and one for my solicitor. This paperwork should be readily available to me but never is. Hours I’ve spent being pushed from one department to the other because nobody knows their arse from their elbow.  

Add a pandemic and nobody in the bank can:

  1. *talk to you
  2. *answer the phone
  3. *respond to emails

Total ineptitude. 

If At First You Don’t Succeed…Kick Off

So, off I went with mask and temper to confront someone.

I got girls on desks telling me to:

  1. *find someone to talk to
  2. *try calling
  3. *try emailing

I well and truly properly kicked off until someone gave me the Head Honcho’s e-mail. 

I wrote to him and his superiors and the Ombudsman. I penned the most beautifully obnoxious rant. I should have won a Nobel Prize for trashing bankers

In Vino Veritas

All of a sudden and straight away I had a business advisor all of my own bending like a pretzel to my every whim. 

And then I got a little note that said, “Moving forward we’d like to send you a hamper of wine for your inconvenience.”

And they did!

I got so drunk I forgot to get my paperwork! 



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my mom had that, too, reverse mortgage, she’s on the phone all hours of night but I keep trying to convince her it’s not a trick by the banks to take your home. she can trust Tom Selleck, he’s been around the block, he knows what’s what. he has a mustache.

doing the same thing over and over, that’s what everyone here at the asylum does…

it’s weird when I go to my local village bank in a mask, it just doesn’t feel right. I’d go in a face shield but I look like a robot…

you DID win the Nobel Prize! your medal got delayed in the mail cos of covid!

hamper of wine: now THAT’s the way to make laundry exciting again!


It’s always a trick, my sweet!

I’d much prefer a face shield complete with a Nerf gun – this would make shopping much more fun!

No wonder you Americans can’t drink like the Brits if you keep putting laundry in your hampers! *)

What a great post, it covers so many bases. Attack on banksters? Tick. Stupid virus scam? Tick. Box of wine? Tickx2. AIO (all in one)? Tick. Ferocious hangover? NOT MENTIONED.
But what’s with this new and bizarre “Rule of 666”? I’m not very happy with my old pal Boris, who looks increasingly demented. Who’s leaning on him? Serious question.

Cummings obviously, he must have something big on Bojo or he wouldn’t still be there.


Hangover? Pfft. Just a mild headache, LSP!

Wear your emergency clown nose into the bank if you want them to pay attention to you. Joker lipstick. Mutter to yourself and then cackle uproariously. It’s been known to work. Or denounce the bank manager loudly as a bad lay. There are a lot of things short of robbing the place that will get you past the gate keepers.

I should have done that, LL. However, my raging temper was sufficient on this occasion. However, maybe I’d have got a whole vineyard had I played the Joker card!

“All I care about bankers is that they give me a new calendar every January.

All I care about lawyers is that they’re back in their coffins before sunrise…”
– TC 😎

Hahaha! Agreed! X

Of course, you could always change banks – not that you should have to, mind, but I always find walking away from them and then telling them why, gives a great deal of satisfaction.

But I guess I’m lucky, in that I’ve been with my main bank for thirty years and have never had any issues.

The current Mrs Masher, however, seems to be permanently locked in mortal combat with every financial institution that has ever given her an account.

Yes, I could, but not in the middle of a Pandemic because nobody talks to you.

Masher, are you implying that banks practise patriarchal dominance?

Blimey, the current Mrs Masher must have a cellar full of wine by now then?!

Nah, she lacks your… um, ‘negotiating’ skills, Jules.

Miss Jules,
Of all things you could have picked to be good at! Is there a future in writing like a bitch for other people? Maybe sponsoring seminars and teaching people the world over your techniques? Have you considered the magnitude of the potential of ranting, the impact it may have on the capitalistic world at large?
Luv- yer – stuff! you are truly refreshing!

Cheers PJ

Right? Who knew…

You might have a good point but presently I’d have to do it by Zoom and without bitchy body language to back up the content I think it would fall flat. It’s definitely a future opportunity.

Most kind of you, PJ

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