Taking The Kiss

March 17, 2014 8:06pm Published by Jules Smith in Whimsy On A Wednesday 23 Comments

I’ve haven’t got a thing to talk to you about. 


I. Got. Nuffin’

Except for this:

I was sitting in front of my ‘puter doing top secret things and trying to concentrate, which is an activity I find terribly difficult. It’s even harder when I notice my little postage stamp, email icon, adding red numbers indicating I have mail.  Up they go, 1, 2 , 3… I try to ignore them.  I turn off the sound so I don’t get pinged but I can’t help but notice them increasing.  

“I’ll look at them later.” Sensible me thinks. “When I’ve finished what I’m supposed to be doing..yeah.”

I stay strong. I continue with my stuff. Then my inner dialogue starts.

“ You know you wanna open it “ Says my tormented, mind flitting, anarchist.  “Go on.. there might be some interesting news..”

“Go to hell.”  I look at the icon…6 now.

“Come on.  Lets just take a quick look.  It might be important..”

“No.  I shan’t.  I like to pretend that I am not controlled by internet interaction, or other gadgets.  I’m a free spirit.  Leave me alone.”

“Well, you never answer your texts on your phone.. Look where that gets you.  You make people cross.”

“Don’t care.”  I continue but I can feel myself weakening. Somehow my mouse clicks it open all by itself.

I find there’s nothing really interesting what-so-bloody ever, except for a load of stuff I have at some time or other subscribed to but never read. And one from a person wanting a quote on something that I now feel obliged to answer just incase they have ‘read receipt’ and KNOW that I’ve read their mail and expect an instantaneous response.  Control freaks.  Then I remember that if I don’t get fast responses to my things I become like a teenage drama queen. 

“See!  There’s nothing here that I wanted to read.”  I say out loud to no one but my self (s). I click briefly on each e mail pressing delete before I even read any.  But then, as I moved one quickly to the trash, I thought I saw something mildly interesting so I went back to the bin to find it.  

It was about strangers kissing, of which I will show you very shortly.  I suppose it’s like speed dating but you can cut out the small talk.  Let’s cut to the chase and go straight for the chemistry, this could go further, OK let’s get a cab.  My place or yours?  Honestly don’t think that would work for me unless you were Thor or something.  I’m usually seduced by the mind.  If you can get into mine.  It’s very busy in there with a lot of arguing. 

So, I watched this little video and it made me smile how awkward people looked.  The averting of eyes. The schoolyard sniggers. The twirling and squirming of limbs.  I wondered if somebody might wet their pants.  The body language was quite entertaining.

Now when you have a look at this check out the following:

 Greg: Now Greg looks like he should be the most timid of all to me but he’s not.  He is the most quietly confident. Like he’s been snogging strangers all his life.  I like him for that.  It makes you want to kiss him.

The two guys:  One of them says “You have nice eyes.”  I thought that was funny.

Isobelles partner:  (couple number 3) He says “ Shall we make out?”  DUH…You think? If I was her I’d have said “No”

The odd couple: A tattoo sleeved guy that I swear is kissing his mother. 

Meryl Streep: Kinda looks like her and is an actress.  An actress who looks like she hates kissing.  That’s kind of screwed up her career then.

 Lieselotte: Miss wanna be porn star. “Oh look!  I’m on camera.”   I don’t know what her name is but I’ve named her such because she looks like a Lieselotte. She has her plaits tied up on her head like a fraulein and is dressed in some sort of French stripy t-shirt that is barely  hanging on to one sharp shoulder blade.  I think she’s confused as to which European look she’s going for. Anyway, here’s a girl who totally gives it some dinner.  

I told you I had nothing.  You should start listening to me.


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They weren’t strangers, they were models?
And that was an advert for clothes?

Think I’ll stick to Marks & Sparks of Asgard

Well helllllllo Thor…Yes apparently so. Can’t say I’d have bought in to that kind of style. Besides, you can’t see what anyones wearing when you’ve got your tongue down their throat.

Hey, the old girl was a damned good kisser! But Young Morticia was the one who enjoyed it the most, I think. I feel like sending you an email now, but it would have to be something you don’t regret reading. Maybe a single devastating sentence that makes you gasp and blush. Well, snigger anyway!

She’s experienced. She’s been practising on a pillow.

I look forward to my devastating, gorilla style sentence. I’ve just looked. it’s not there yet. Slacker!

I was entertained. And actually it got me thinking about kissing a stranger. And the more I think about it, the more I like the idea. I bet gorilla doesn’t talk to his females before he kisses them. Maybe he offers them a banana.

Ooh David, you rebel! I shall send a hoard of strange people round yours, so pucker up love!

Yeah, good point. Though he is a very respectful ape. I can’t imagine him going straight in with an erect piece of fruit.

Okay, that got a laugh out of me.


I watched that some time last week Jules and I must say that after the first 5 minutes of enjoying their awkwardness, I begun to feel awkward too… contagious? Perhaps.

It was funny though 😉

PS. I like all the voiced in your head 🙂

Hey Azra! Yes it is contagious. There were moments when I was peeking from behind split fingers. I do like to analyse people though, what with me being a proper good mentalist and all, so I kind of like difficult situations. Im strange like that. That’s why I have voices in my head. 😉

Lars is located in the…

whoa…oh…almost gave away the entire thing there…

my email:
* 100th letter from some guy wanting to touch me up, photo-retouching my blog.
* 100th notice to fix my clock. it says July 4, 1989. that’s correct, right?
* more stuff from Field & Stream. look, i know it’s me here, but, i mean, it’s me here, i, there’s just no way i subscribed to Field & Stream.
* lab-rat offer to kiss strangers on youtube…or was it to kiss rats in a lab for strange science…on youtube?

NO! Shhhh…la la la la *fingers in ears*

Well lets look at this: You have someone wanting to touch you up, a possible hunting future and you can have a new experience kissin’ rats! And its only July 4th 1989! Must dash – I am mid adventure 25 years into your future…

Doh! You made me do it. Yup. I just checked and cleaned out my inbox–but I did have one bit of interesting interaction: some guy on Goodreads whose primary language is not English who asked about my feelings on 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Okay. That wasn’t random at all. =)

Well at least that’s relatively interesting! I’d like to know your answer!

Swapping germs with a total stranger? I guess it’s sort of like taking a sneeze in the face on public transportation without knowing for sure that you’re going to come down with the flu.

I’m afraid that I’m impossibly old fashioned in the foreplay department. Forgive me for being stogy.

Ewww – if someone sneezed in my face I’d turn psychotic. More than usual.

I’ll forgive you anything Larry, I like old fashioned behaviour.

well we do like a good random snog – whatever the hell that is when it’s at home 🙂

OOH you British Slag 😉

Yeah what is is?

I’m so elieved you’re not controlled by internet interaction either. Just by your mouse. I killed mine yesterday. By accident, mind you, but somehow my feet went to a Mouse Store (MS, not SM) and my hand stole my credit card and now I’m stuck with a new mouse. It’s got a thicker tail, in case you need to know the difference betwen MOUSE 2 and the DEAD ONE. See, I’ve got nothing to write about either. 😉

Hey Grumpy pants!
I’m glad you’re elieved. Is that like relieved but better? Almost elevated ? ;P
You just can’t trust yourself can you in this day and age. Would it be ok for my hand to nick your credit card?

elieved? What happened to my R? I guess elieved is like email only different. Bet you didn’t know my name is Andy? 😉 You can nick my cedit cad anytime, Jules. My what?

I’ve always wanted a Randy Andy 🙂

Hahaha My nickname until a decade ago was Dandy Randy. But now it’s just RC. Go figure.

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