Temporary Ego Suspension

August 9, 2017 1:41pm Published by Jules Smith in Whimsy On A Wednesday 36 Comments


Satirical Snapshots Bringing You whimsy On A Wednesday!

PFFFFFFT – I’ll give you bloody whimsy. Yeah, this is going to be one of those posts.

What a crap week. I’m still infected. Those antibiotics were total rubbish – most likely filled with Talcum Powder. Add to that I’ve not slept properly for weeks and have turned into an insomniac, you can imagine what a bundle of joy I am.

Drone, Drone, Drone

And then I broke somebody’s drone which is another story I’ll regale you with later. That ended up with me falling out with a ton of people because the last thing I need right now is unnecessary drama over a bloody toy. Recognising my intolerance to pretty much everything around me I decided that it was time for some much needed reflection and analysis. As a world renowned Art Philosopher, practising mentalist and long time study of Homo sapiens, it’s important to keep oneself in tune with nature and your place in it; particularly since I just told someone to shove their drone up their arse.

Virtue and Vice

How has someone not made a cocktail called Virtue and Vice? I’d drink that in a heartbeat. However, since I’ve been on medication I have remained alcohol free for a week and locked myself inside the house like a hermit. I decided to brush up on some philosophy, particularly ethics, and see if I couldn’t philosophise myself into harmony. Every night I have tucked myself up in bed and read about normative and applied ethics.

Don’t anyone tell me I don’t know how to rack it up on a Saturday night.


Truth philosophy


Truth is The Way

Apparently. I find this a debatable subject, as is the philosophical way, but on the whole being honest about ourselves is a crucial first step. A (THE) foundation on which to grow.

So, instead of writing some dark and ambiguous piece which is my normal MO when out of sorts, I’ve decided to spread my truth on the table like a vulnerable banquet. Writing is my emotional outlet and the way I get rid of pain.

A couple of years ago my father committed suicide. (Wince) Wow! Inject the post with some cheery banter, Jules! Way to go, girl! Heh. Hey, this is about truth! There’s no real easy way to say that in a good way, if you know what I mean. But it is what it is. Obviously, at the time it absolutely floored me as it was most unexpected. Rather than dealing with this head on, I skirted round it by busying myself with his affairs, taking on loads of other stuff and going on endless adventures (not necessarily a bad thing) in order to live life to the full. What I have noticed is that just because you ignore something, it doesn’t go away. The effects of that have given me an irrationality about death. So much so that if anyone is ill or depressed I think they’re going to die and try and find every which way to stop that happening. But they still do. And they have since. I’m not a fan. Fairly recently somebody died with whom I had a connection and for some reason known only to ‘The gods’ it has completely screwed me up. So much so it is debilitating and I am having to force myself to do things in-between my severe melancholy and inertia.


Philosophy on death


Schadenfreude and Death of a Salesman

I’m in such emotional turmoil that I even considered therapy. Seriously, I’ve had my finger over the number many times. But this is not my bag for numerous reasons:

*I can’t sit in front of someone,one-to-one, and take it seriously when they ask me how I feel. I am the class clown – the ultimate salesperson – the bad-ass friend you call when you need a fun overdose. In this situation, I would feel highly uncomfortable and resort to taking the piss.
*I can’t go to group therapy like ‘suicide club’ <~~ great title for a book ~~ because I will turn it into a comedy sketch and well, that’s just not on.
*I’m a strong person, ipso facto I’m revealing all this with a strong cup of tea and determination.

I even tried some online tests on sociopathy & narcissism (fully nailed those) and being Bipolar. I got a hundred percent in that one which for a moment there I was quite proud of because I’ve never got a hundred percent in anything except for that and A plus as a blood group. However, they’re wrong. I’m actually Tri-polar.



Back to Phil ’n’ Sophia

So, now you can see why I took it upon myself to turn to that old faithful, philosophy.

First off, you have to recognise that you’re actually nothing. That’s right.

“No human thing is of serious importance”

You can’t be vain: Hmmm. As a shameless narcissist, this is going to cause problems. Admittedly, I’m more of a vulnerable narcissist rather than a grandiose narcissist which is somewhat more acceptable but not nearly as cool. Personally, I find everyone has varying degrees of narcissism so I don’t really know where the cut off point is here. For starters, writing a blog is narcissistic otherwise we’d just write a personal journal. Looking at the world today, I find that being a Snapchat or Instagram whore, having numerous body implants and becoming a reality TV star seems to be the way forward so I can only see vanity becoming more predominant.

You can’t show off: Great. So, in completing the major ordeal of writing a book, I have to keep this to myself and feel satisfied in achieving my goal without bragging. Cos that’s gonna get sales, Mr Ethical Philosopher. I can’t promote it on FB or any other means of social media either because that would be out and out boasting. And it’s alright you saying that Mr Greek Philosopher, he who is forever immortalised on Wikipedia and in every library on the planet. Hypokrisis!

I must see everyone as an extension of myself: I can’t even hold my shit together in Sainsbury’s car park when some numpty can’t park. I find myself surrounded by all manner of fuckwittery and now you’re telling me I must be at one  with all other souls: howling slags, stupid drivers, silicone pumped up prima donnas and droners. I. AM. STRUGGLING. Not gonna lie.

Do not indulge in physical gratification: The one avenue of pleasure and you close it down like a Baptist on Bar Lane. I am now in stalemate position and cannot see a way out of my conundrum. How’s that for moral luck?

What a bunch of miserable bastards philosophers are.






They say that hard times reveal true friends. I’m going to put that to the test. Call it psychological trickery if you want to.  I see a niche in the market for blogatherapy. Where best to find your answers than the place you frequent the most?  The place you feel most comfortable?
Ergo, I am now appointing YOU, my readers of this long time writerly paradise, my counsellors. No pressure, but I’d like it if you could help me back to whimsy with your wisdomous advice: Maybe you could recommend a book, a philosophical one liner (though TBH I’ve about had my fill of those) a challenge, a light in the darkness. Something.
I’ve never asked to be saved before but right now I am. Is that narcissistic? Who frikkin’ cares…


Leave a reply

Where best to find your answers than the place you frequent the most? The place you feel most comfortable?

There is a flaw in that thinking. It’s like going to the local pub and asking the regulars to help you solve your struggle with the universe (and those who live in it). Somebody might buy you a pint…which is the up-side. The down-side is that the slurred advice from somebody who wants to get right in your face and spits a bit when they talk is that it’s not worth the price of the ‘free’ pint. So with the Internet.

The journey within can not be solved from without. (that’s a bit of original advice from your friend)

There’s always a flaw in my thinking. That’s like a parable, Larry. I hear you.
Very good advice, my friend. Thank you.

As a great philosopher once said, stay clear of the Stoics because they’re so, ahem, uplifting. But you might like Jacques Maritain, who wasn’t a Stoic and described Taoism as “occultism of the most pernicious variety.” He was French, of course.

But seriously, prayers for your Father. Get better!

I might read it in French just for kicks.

I don’t think you’re allowed to pray for suicide victims or bury them or something. But I’ll give it a shot.

Trying to!

French! Et maintenant you’re far above me. But try Art and Scholasticism or True Humanism by the same author. On second thoughts, don’t, watch White Gold instead.

And you can always pray. No law against that at all.

Oui, Monsieur. C’est vrai!

White Gold wins hands down. Scuzzy Essex boys cannot be beaten.

Well it’s natural to be saddened by death especially suicide and this week is Birthday week so comes harder. Does analysis really work, particularly self analysis. We all have flaws and fears we just learn to live with them. Desiderata now there’s a recipe for life ” you are a child of the universe no less than the trees and stars you have a right to be here. And of books then there’s The Little Prince. Be gentle with yourself. You are precious. You are loved. You are not responsible for others faults and failings. It’s not a rehearsal go out and live your dreams. Take your medicine with a large wine. Go out and have fun. Come and enjoy Village life xx

Analysis Paralysis. It’s a thing – I know from bitter experience.
Desiderata ” Listen to the dull and ignorant – they too have their story.” Yeah, but its crap. Just kidding…all souls together forever <3
I love The Little Prince. I might read that again.
As moral guidance goes, you sometimes nail it.

OK. I am game to play this game. How about looking forward!?! Your next USA Adventure is a mere 60 days away. Time to start planning, get excited, fill yourself with “feel good” endorphins (I’ll bet Harrison is more than ready to jump-start the latest physical fitness program). Look at your photos of all the past good times and experiences, then check-in with Carlyn to see if your moon is correctly positioned, if you know what I mean. As you look at those photos, clips of life, remember all the new people you have met, who have become forever friends. Most important, know that you are much-loved by all your family and friends, whether in an upbeat or foul mood!

Teresa – I think you should be a Life Coach. I’m already excited despite sitting on the couch with a packet of Jakemans, a cup of tea and a pair of wet slippers that smell like ageing dog ( thanks to the relentless, torrential rain here in summertime Britain)
Thank you for the glimmer.

Hey Jules… Don’t make me sad…

No… wait… that’s not the lyrics.

Anyhoo… Life is a quandary… the more I thought I understood Life and such, the more confused I realized that I was. I think I was better in control when I felt I didn’t know a damned thing.

Life is a journey… we never know where we are going until we get there… and many times, we get there before we are ready.

But sometimes not.

I hope that all is well with you.


I see a remake, Shoes…

But, SHOES! I’ve missed you! It’s so very lovely to have you here at Camp Wisdom! Never mind me, how are you?

I agree that it certainly gets more complex and …err. yeah. What do I know anymore?

Good to see you. Really.

I’m waiting until your body is well before giving you advice on how to heal your mind, Jules. It could be that the mind thing is just a side-effect of the body thing, in which case you’ll pooh-pooh the idea of blogotherapy in a week from now. Also, my therapy might be crap – there’s that to worry about. In the meantime you could read the autobiography of some dude who went through heavy shit and emerged contented and enlightened.

You are very wise, Mr Gorilla Bananas. And it’s highly likely that I will be dissing such advice come next week. Or, maybe it’s the wisdom of my fellow bloggers that will release me from my angst. Your advice is usually spot on.

Oh, you mean The Bible?

Advice? I’ll give you some advice:
There: sorted!
And never mind all that philosophical bollocks, a good slap is what you need.
It always worked for me: whenever I got a bit maudling, my dad would beat seven shades of shit out of me, until I cheered up.
It’s character building.

Are you suggesting that I should be spanked, Masher? You can always tell when the Brits have arrived…

That’s kind of interesting as the person who has recently passed away once told me that British girls like being spanked more than girls in any other nation. I put it down to the fact that Dickensian methods still run strong round here. I’ve had my fair share of strappings and smacks and I’m still a screw up!

I used the word ‘slap’, Jules.
You chose to change it to ‘spank’.
And we love you for it. 🙂


Jules come home to Texas. We all have something to go through but will friends and The Texas Cowboy Church and prayers we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Love you hope to see you soon.

That, Janet, is the one place I should be out of any. If I could teleport myself there now, I would. Thank you for your loving words and kindness and I will see you in Atumn ( The Fall) ( and rise of Jules)
Massive hugs xx

here are some jokes which hopefully cheer you up:

what did Mars say to Saturn? give me a ring sometime.

how does the ocean greet the beach? it waves.

these were on popsicle sticks…


The ocean one is my favourite. Anything on a popsicle stick warms the heart. Thank you, my sweet *)

You need to spend time outdoors. Nature cleanses the soul. Works every time.

Not a truer word spoken, H.

The minute it stops chucking it down with sweet summer rain and I can actually walk and don’t need a boat, I’m out there. Nature is always the best remedy for grounding. 🙂

Not “allowed to pray for suicide victims,”!!??!! Where did you hear such rubbish? I know. I know. Churches and clergy of all flavors, including, perhaps especially, my own, like to pass along dubious theological speculation as if it were fact. Shame on them. Spiritual leaders, parents and friends must never encourage suicide, but responsibility rather ends there. There is certainly no call for them to fabricate lies about the Creator’s imagined shortcomings of mercy in order to more strongly discourage it.

Like all human weakness, suicide need not be judged by us. That’s the job of the most merciful judge in existence. We need only be quite sure that all conceivable mercy will be poured out on those who merely hate this world a bit more than we do. And, honestly, are we not FAR more clearly instructed by Christ, especially, to hate this grotty, pathetic world? Indeed we are! Luke 14:26 comes to mind, and 1 John 2:15.

Does that make suicide honorable? Hell, no. But given the nearly “by definition” hopelessness inherent in the most common, widespread and innocent mental illnesses that afflict us, is it forgivable? Of course it is; even with the tiny mustard-seed-sized level of mercy we humans are capable of. How much more forgivable it must be for the Author of Mercy.

Because it’s all I know, I would recommend, as a start, a simple poem written by an unknown man afflicted with crushing suicidal struggles during Christmas of 2012, and his reflections.
I think they may come to bear a little on your struggles to be forgiven for some things for which you bear no guilt. If you need help forgiving them, we are here to help. If you think you need forgiveness from them who are gone, then I think you are merely a little muddled. It is the One who never goes away from whom you need forgiveness. And, if you will it, I assure you it has already been given.

Oh, and do NOT tell your analyst you’re tri-polar. She’ll charge you 50% more!

Speaking of being multi-polar, did you know that the term “polar bear” is entirely redundant? The poles are named for bears, which is pretty cool, in itself: Arctic and Antarctic, after the Greek, simply mean “place with the bears” and “place without the bears.” I’m not kidding. This is why people party and drink so much when in southern latitudes. Not so many bears to run away from.

I wasn’t “allowed” to bury my father in consecrated ground because he took his own life. Couldn’t even scatter his ashes on his parents graves. Despite the fact the book lying on his bed, right before he got up and did the deed was The Bible open at some page and despite the fact this was the man that taught me all about churches, their history, which parts were Norman and which were original etcetera, etcetera. Suicide was most frowned upon.
It’s not honourable, no. Is it cowardly? At first I thought so because I was angry but really it takes guts to do what he did and how he did it. To be that devastated with life is a tragedy.

My issue with both parties to whom I refer and am upset about is largely guilt. What a useless emotion, and yet there it is. Things I should have done and did not. You’ve been very good with me on this, Grunt. You have to know I appreciate it. A lot. I still have many unanswered questions with both parties and that frustrates me.

A beautiful poem. I love smart people like you. 🙂

I don’t have a “therapist” yet. Nobody’s brave enough. I’m still undecided on whether I want to go down that road. And right! Tri- polar means triple dollar! However, I could argue the case of free therapy since I’m an excellent case study and they might learn a shit load of new personality disorders were they to take me on!

Bears are everywhere, Grunt… Anyway, they don’t eat pissheads, I’ve been told. I felt much better about that when walking along Colorado rivers in the pitch black of night!

Thank you for the information on polar bears. Funny, as I’m writing t shirt slogans for a Wild Life Preservation company on them! I may pass this interesting info on. I’ll cut you in. Might buy you a drink or something 😉

Well, you’re very tolerant, and I’m very sorry to write so directly and forcefully about your pain. I only meant to express sympathy about your father, but I’d been drinking Bourbon last night with my Marine son and his Marine buddies, and that always gets me a bit loud and preachy. Sorry about that. I promise to be mostly a good listener next time!

But first, I must echo Jane (below) about what a great source of good humor you are to others. Thank you for keeping your wry humor alive through all this. You really are a blessing to many people who need you.

Grunt, if that’s as preachy as you get after a skinfull then you’ll look like a saint next to me! I tend to get barred! Even from houses! Whatevs. Some people have no sense of humour!
I wasn’t the slightest bit put out by your deliverance.

Thank you, that’s very nice of you to say. Even in my foulest moods I never lose my humour; I’m not saying that it doesn’t get more snarky and offensive but I never lose it. That’s important 😉

Jules, I can’t imagine how you cope with that. I had a friend years ago whose father committed suicide and many years later so did she. I beg of you to get some help to come to terms with this as I would hate to imagine you having similar thoughts or driving yourself to despair. Don’t see therapy as a weakness but as a comforting hand.
On a lighter note, you must know that you bring great joy to many of your readers. I laugh out loud every week at your tales and often write down things you’ve said so I can use them! For example, here ” The one avenue of pleasure and you close it down like a Baptist on Bar Lane” made me chuckle. Even on a more serious piece you still manage to bring your unique sense of humour. All the best.

Jane, I’m too much of a coward to ever top myself! Besides, I can’t torment people if I’m dead and that’s my favourite pastime. If you EVER hear that Jules has taken her life, know that something nefarious has gone on, like a Texan suicide – shot herself in the back of the head 3 times. Then call LL above, so he can hunt ’em down and skin ’em!

Thank you! So kind. I’m glad that I’m making you laugh. I promise I’ll start laughing soon. (Soon as I hit Grunt’s bar)

Always remember: You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you shouldn’t pick your friend’s nose.

Ha! Goatman, I can always rely on you to take it outside the box. I like that about you. Wise words! 🙂

New comment on your post “Doctor Feel Good”

First off, you know how to write, all right. “I’ve decided to spread my truth on the table like a vulnerable banquet.” That is beautiful. Just beautiful and may I say a true reflection of who you are and what you are. That said, I remember the day you first wrote about your father having ended his own life. I remember it like it were yesterday. It is what it is, and I applaud you for having the guts to share it with us even if writing is your outlet. Yes, some things just don’t go away simply because we choose to ignore it. But it’s a survival strategy and it makes perfect sense. I, too, have seen so many people die these past few years that I’ve become unable to take anything on this planet seriously except for the people I love and like. It’s that feeling of being unable to stop death from happening that hurts more than anything else. The gods can go sit on a stick, but that’s just me, Jules Dear. Don’t let them get to you. Live now. This might be as good as it gets. People always want more, even feel worthy of an afterlife because this one isn’t good enough for them. I’ve known you as someone who knows how to suck (No, no, not suck!… Read on, dammit!)- the marrow out of life -without choking on the bone (thank you, Mr. Keating), and you’re an inspiration. What I’m trying to say while spreading my truth on the table in the process is that even when you’re floored, you still inspire through your writing. There. I said it.


Blue, you made me cry.In a good way. You are such a wonderful person. You are so in tune with everything I believe and feel it’s astounding. If the internet is good for anything, it’s being blessed with a friend like you. I mean that with so much beautiful ferocity I can’t express it well enough. Thank you 🙂 x

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