Vernal Vivacity

March 22, 2017 12:21pm Published by Jules Smith in Whimsy On A Wednesday 22 Comments

Spring Leaves

Satirical Snapshots Bringing You Whimsy On A Wednesday

Equinox your socks off

The first day of Spring and World Happiness Day coincided this week. To make it extra challenging, the temperature dropped by 7 degrees and it lashed it down with rain. All day long. Thanks America for passing on your east coast storm. That put pay to the new blossom on the trees.

World Happiness Day (whatever that is)

International day of happiness on a freezing, wet and dismal Monday. What is that all about? Since there seems to be some random day for just about anything, I declare today, “Jules Day” How’s that for whimsical? This is celebrated by sending lavish gifts to any Jules you might know. Especially the first Jules that told you. Oh look, that might be me. Failure to acknowledge this day and not dig deep into your pockets will result in extremely hideous karma for the rest of your life.

Double Fault

I ran out of milk. On World Happiness Day. Very bad. I desperately needed a cup of tea. I looked out of the rain splattered window and wondered whether I should just have a hot chocolate. But no. That would not be conducive to my healthy eating plan and the fact I’d been fighting with machines all morning. What I really should be doing is walking to the shop but unfortunately my activities blessed me with a torn tendon in my foot and tennis elbow.

Tennis elbow? You play tennis too, Jules?

No. I don’t. I can’t recall if I got it from sit ups with a kettle bell and a demon fitness trainer standing on my feet shouting “COME ON!” whilst I tried not to puke on my Nike trainers or, from my recent boxing lesson and three rounds with a huge bag. Walking to the shop would ruin my street cred if I limped in public like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. And it wouldn’t be fair to my car.

CAR pe diem

I live on a main thoroughfare. For some reason, like, I don’t know, the council have to spend all their money before April, there were roadworks. My street was jammed. I inched out and gave death stares to vehicles blocking the exit from my driveway. As it happened, a truck driver let me out almost immediately. Win. Except then I was stuck in a traffic jam that led all the way to the shop. However, a few hundred yards up on the right there’s an avenue that leads to a different shop. The only oncoming traffic was a BMW about equal distance away. No road cameras in sight. Game on. Sport mode, full revs and off I went on the wrong side of the road. It was a face off between me and the beemer like a Top Gear special. I got more adrenaline from that than thirty minutes on the cross trainer and made it round the corner without dying; narrowly missing the middle aged lady and her soggy poodle.

Crying? Over milk?

I entered the little local express shop and grabbed some moo juice. Fat free – basically chalk water. As I turned the corner to the till section I saw a man in his late fifties crying his face off. One of the cashiers had come from behind the counter and was hugging him as he sobbed, violently.

I looked around for cameras. Just my luck that I’d probably walked in on some “Surprise, Surprise” TV show where long lost relatives get reunited or something. Sort of stunt they’d pull on World Happiness Day. I got my boxing stance ready incase I needed to deck a TV presenter but it turned out this was for real.

“Oh, hush hush, “ said the cashier as she hugged the man.

“Blah, Blah, Merrrrrrr..” cried the man. Loudly.

After about five minutes the man left. Still crying. The cashier trotted past me back to her position wiping snot off her shoulder with a tissue.

“Is that how you make all your customers feel?” I joked.

Whooosh – straight over her head. No room for humour on World Happiness Day.

“No. He doesn’t like rain. It makes him cry.”

Obviously and inappropriately I burst out laughing.

“No, seriously. It makes him hysterical.”

“Errm…well, you think he might’ve moved from this country then, “ I said. “If he’s gonna cry every time it rains he is at risk of life threatening dehydration.”

“He has……difficulties.” She said the word ‘difficulties’ in a hushed voice as she looked around furtively. You never know if PC language police are in Tesco shopping for milk.

“Oh. That’s a shame.”

“Yes and he has very poorly feet and elbows too.”

I know I shouldn’t have, I wasn’t thinking and I was merely connecting dots. “He didn’t used to go to the gym, did he?”

22 Comments

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World Happiness Day. Thanks for that, though you reminded me of the English rain which rains, and rains, and rains and rains. Mind you, we could do with some of that in Texas.

If you meet the unicorn on the road, shoot it.

Apparently enough rain to make a grown man cry, LSP.

Unfortunately, this being an unarmed society, I will have to resort to giving the unicorn a good right hook or run it over in my car. If that fails I will ship it off to Texas ready for the “Fluffy Is Gonna Get It” unicorn hunt. 🙂

I do love a good unicorn hunt!

Unicorn hunts are the future.

“Fat-Free” milk?! Oh, the horror!
I can’t imagine such a thing – I have “difficulties”.
I’ll be sending you some proper milk in honour of “Jules Day”.
??
x

I know. pointless. BUT… no calories. Apparently you can’t have calories or it makes the gym pointless. That’s twice I’ve said pointless which begs the question, “Why am I doing this?”

I look forward to my gift, TC, though I’m probably lactose intolerant now, such is my luck! x

I didn’t know that there was an International Happiness Day. It wasn’t published or spoken of in Southern California. That may be because the weather is perfect here and “They Wish they all could be California Girls”. You’d think that the news would have pronounced that elsewhere, it was a “happy day”, but no, not a whisper or hint.

Thus the bluebird of happiness flew and I missed it altogether. Karma? Perhaps. Then I asked myself how anyone could be happy while LSP’s dog was locked up like a criminal at the county impound, eating sub-standard dog chow. They can’t be.

It’s two days past Happy Day and we are experiencing a rare bit of rain today, which disturbs me. It’s a gentle warm rain, but it’s still rain. Could it be that THIS is International Unhappiness Day?

I think you may be right, LL. Since there’s breaking news of a terror attack in Westminster right now it would seem so.

Anyway, Californian girls don’t know how to deal with dripping wet hair, plastered to your thighs jeans and mascara running down their faces. They have it far too easy next to us British birds. Maybe some rain will balance this out 😉

I did warn you that your people would begin experiencing more attacks by “home-grown” terrorists…most of them blamed (by one side or the other) on Brexit.

When did your hair grow long enough to become rain-plastered to your thighs?

Sorry, but I’ve no time for people with “difficulties”…especially those whose “D’s” consist in part or in full of public crying. I have enough difficulties of my own…which I manage to deal with in proper form….and none of which entail crying (in public or in private)
Xin Loi.

You can’t cut your hair if you wish to remain strong, Sol. Ask Samson.

The only time I cried in public was when I ate a very nasty chilli pepper and my whole face leaked. 🙂

I don’t believe that “crying” caused by a chili pepper is actually crying (all right, if it’s particularly hot…tears may flow). It’s more like sweating.
Perhaps, if you ate one a day, and really sweated your bum off, it could be a substitute for all of that horrible “exercise” that the sadists have you doing.Might be worth a try, love.

Well, it looks like crying so same difference! Those chilli’s are nasty little buggers. 🙂

Poor man, he does have difficulties. Being a cry-baby would be a serious disability in the driest of climates, let alone a rain-sodden place like England. Your difficulties are minor by comparison, Jules. Replace the cow’s milk with asses’ milk and bathe in it instead of drinking it. That will soothe all you aching bits and pieces.

Yes, I should thank my lucky stars to be fair. One has to remain strong if you live here, Mr. Gorilla Bananas.

I think I might bathe in soya milk – save people from having to drink it. 🙂

So much for happiness day in the merry land of England. Praying for all of you today. Miss you Jules Texas is calling.

Hi Janet! Thank you, it’s needed today.

Miss you too. Just booked to come back next month! I heard her calling! Be seeing you very soon! x

Public crying is extraordinary. It always stops me dead in my tracks. It’s never seems to be born from joy. Always sorrow. It’s comforting in a way. You realize you’re not the only one.

What’s the story with the pic up top? What is that?

Yes, M, public crying makes you feel as vulnerable as the person doing it. Uncomfortable but very real.

I took that pic of some leaves in the relentless rain with my iPhone. That simple! 🙂

that red-herring fish leaf keeps following me everywhere

i’m wearing my equinox socks right now. they’re all black.

every day is Jules Day…

i can teach you tennis, mah dahlin. private lessons, too. our first private lesson we’ll do the overhead smash. you have to keep looking up into the sun for proper form.

All We Are Saying Is Give Mercedes Benz a Chance

Sir Bananas. google it.

*)

It’s the pic that keeps on giving, my sweet.

My equinox socks fell in a puddle and were never seen again.

I think I’ll Ace it.

Say no to war. Buy a Mercedes. *)

Well, I hope your masochistic activities at the gym are paying off, Jules, but don’t go developing those abs too far or you’ll end up looking like Davina McCall. And that would just be annoying.

And… red milk? Nah. As you say, it’s just white water. The current Mrs M has red milk in her coffee, kidding herself that she’s ‘cutting back’ whilst she tucks into a sausage sandwich. Green milk is the best of both dairy worlds, IMHO.

The first day of Spring was gorgeous, wasn’t it? After that, it all turned to crap. 🙁

Well, Masher: I can barely walk, everything hurts and I still don’t have abs like Davina; she’s annoying with or without abs TBH. I won’t get that far. I’m only doing this so I can have 17 Easter eggs and a pitcher of margarita.

I bought orange milk. It’s even worse than red. Green is definitely the answer.

It’s better again. Get outside while you can! 🙂

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