What A Load Of Bull!

July 18, 2019 12:30pm Published by Jules Smith in Off Piste Posting (Any day thoughts) 14 Comments

Satirical Snapshots Eventually Getting Round To Posting!

And as usual, there’s a lot of bull….

The County Fair 

Nothing says you’re in England quite like a Big Wheel, a man in a suit and a bowler hat, a pretty girl in boots, and a white coated pubescent walking a giant bull.  It all goes on over here.

Farmers – they’re a bit mad aren’t they?  I can attest to this from an experience I had at a “Young Farmers Ball” once upon a time.  A man in tweed and expensive wellies, who’s not afraid to ram his arm up inside a heifer, is of a different breed.  And when drunk on cider at a posh do full of fillies in frocks they’re even worse.  Maybe all they can see is cattle?  Terrifying.

Off I went to the County Fair to see what was going on.

Farmers are very proud of their moo cows.  Brushing them, making them stand correctly by hitting them with a stick, and smiling whilst a burly judge has a good look around them and pins a rosette on his favourite.  I don’t quite know what he’s looking for… Is it going to make a good burger? 

Look At The Cajones On This Beast!

My word! 

Well, the farmer judge turned up in a fitted tweed two-piece and seemed to be in his element.  

Get a load of this fine rump! He had a good old stroke around that and seemed to adopt this rear position with ease.  Like he’d maybe done it before…

And then straight underneath for a good old feel of Mr.Bull’s swinging tackle!  


Brave.  And, like I said, a bit mental. 

And if you’re not about the bollocks you can take a turn at pulling titties.  

Or, understand the fine art of fleecing with our Nobby!

Who seems to have the Norfolk horn…

It’s all very animal farm.

However, it’s not all bestiality.  For those looking for a bit of refinement there was falconry, giant tortoises, some classic cars, and a rather nice show of horse and cart riding.

I quite fancy my hand at this!  How very elegant and refined! I could see that looking pretty good parked outside my house next to my truck!

This event rounded off nicely with a magnificent display of horsemanship.

Not that my mind was on sausages or anything but you can’t leave a good farming show without a bit of Lincolnshire’s finest meat.

A footlong too.  They make ’em big over here.  The farmers are always saying so.

Take a gander at that, my American friends! You have some competition from across the pond.

Needless to say,  that kept my mouth full for a while…


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You’re wasted on the serious stuff, that was like ‘Carry On County Fair’!

I’ve said the same for years, Rick! Carry on comedy!

Juju, dear lady I have missed you!

Let me first say that I am told it’s not all about length but the appropriate “girth” as well. Referencing your picture, I’d say it lacked the latter. But isn’t that so often the case?

Wait. What? Just what do you think we are talking about, dear Julieta!

Why thank you! Cos anything could’ve happened to me in all these missing weeks! You never know with all the dodgy places I end up in! ;P

Yeah, you can’t go bragging one end and not delivering on the other! No amount of sauce will make up for deficiency!

Sausage, right?

I haven’t been to a fair for years, but having been raised in the country, I’m familiar with sheep shearing and animal husbandry. There is a song that the kids sang back then, so many years ago: “Johnny go milk the bull, there’s only one tit to pull, it’s right in the middle, and straight as a fiddle. Johnny go milk the bull.” Reading your blog brought that to mind.

Here are the White Wolf Mine, there are only wild animals because they eat the domesticated stock.

All well and good.

The sausage, served up like an American hot dog looked delicious. Best washed down by a root beer float.

I wish I’d known that song before I went. I’d have loved singing that out loud as the bulls were being judged!

Maybe you should start a wild animal fair, LL. I think that’d be exciting. You only get out alive if you’re not stupid.

Oh, it was! Proper nice! But you’re right – a root beer float would have made that dish of the day!

Julsie my friend, I have sooooo many crude and snarky comments to make here that I don’t know where to start. When we meet up in the States, I’ll give it a try.

Haha! I bet you do!

I look forward to that, sir!

* that stitching on the first sign is reminding me of that Yankees/Red Sox baseball game played in London……or as you lot call it, “cricket but shorter”

* that bull has a cloaca………I don’t know what that is, I learned it this season on Archer…

* this is what happens when Noddy eats meat…

* that woman on that horse-and-cart is what Xena Warrior Princess would have looked like if she had been born in a different time

* Medieval Times is everywhere. i’m surprised they don’t get out of that stuffy castle and take their show on the road in a traveling circus crashing all the Ren Faires

* i can almost compete with that hot dog, just need that last bit of mustard to top me off…


And talking of cricket… my sweet…What’s that? Who won the world cup? 🙂

That bull has issues.

She is Xena reincarnated.

Medieval runs through the blood of this country. Madness too. It’s a fine line.


Each to his own and all that, but it’s all bullocks as far as I’m concerned.
And as for the sheep shagging… er, shearing: does someone actually win a prize for giving his ovine friend a number two all over?

Queer as folk, these country types!

Yeah, and you’ll never guess what the prize is…. 😛

They’re bloody nuts!

I was kicked out of a young farmers ball once, for bad behaviour. That’s saying something.
Like your new carriage, smart!

Why does that NOT surprise me? 😉

Isn’t it just what I need? !

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