Who’s for dinner?

October 10, 2011 9:57pm Published by Jules Smith in The Art Philosopher 18 Comments

Here is a game that I love to play with my friends: Who would you have for dinner?  If you could choose ten people from any time in history to have at your dinner party who would you choose and why? I’m sure many of you have played this game and I always find it interesting to see the sort of characters people pick.  My problem is if I go first I always change my mind when someone chooses a figure I wish I had thought of first and I always end up altering some of my guest list, which apparently isn’t allowed. 
Here are the guests I would choose for my dinner party:

1: Jesus Christ – The son of God.  The thing is this:  If he does turn up He can turn the water into wine; preferably a Faustino Rioja Reserva or Bats Blood, though obviously I wouldn’t push the issue.  Also I will KNOW that I’m going to have a place in Heaven as He will obviously forgive all of my sins because that’s what He does.  If He doesn’t turn up then that’s the God theory up the spout and I shall live everyday like it’s my last so I don’t rot in the ground with the music still inside me.
2: Adolf Hitler– Dictator. Sociopath. Evil bastard. When I say I want him at my dinner party people say “Why Jules, it’s a dinner party, who is going to want to talk to him?” Well this is why: I’d quite like to sit him next to Jesus as I think this would make for an interesting dinner conversation. But, having thought about it properly this is most likely happen:  I would want to force feed him semolina until he choked and my dinner party would turn into a brawl rather than a civilised soiree.  Jesus would probably forgive him which would then make me have issues with Jesus for having no back bone and I would lose my place in Paradise. Washed of sin by the son of God,  Hitler would seize this moral high ground, take over in true Nazi style and probably force me to leave the room because I’ve got brown eyes. 
Lord Byron: (My new number 2) One of my favourite English poets.  Romantic, dramatic and a tortured soul. His poetry moves me.  He often lived on dry biscuits and wine and enjoyed singing Albanian songs. Described as “mad, bad and dangerous to know”.  Well, I would like to know.
3: Oscar Wilde – An Irish writer and poet and a true genius before his time. Superbly witty, flamboyant and a perfect conversationalist for dinner!  His quotes inspire me – “Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.”  
4: Stephen Fry – English Actor, playwright, TV presenter and Author. The man is a genius with a beautiful BBC accent and a vocabulary that one aspires too.  A manic depressive, so another tortured soul but comes across as so humble and gracious.  He inspires me.
5: Sir David Attenborough – A British naturalist and broadcaster.  I thoroughly admire this man for bringing so much flora, fauna and fascinating stories to my TV. His dulcet tones are able to put me in a relaxed and trance like state and I am fixated by his shows.  A man totally worthy of his knighthood.  
6: Marilyn Monroe – As a young girl I was in awe of this American actress.  I found her beauty mesmerising and if I were to have a ‘girl crush’ she would have been it. Her softness, sensualness and naivety were apparent in every photograph and if I had to look like anyone else it would be her. Plus I could find out if the Kennedys were behind her death- I do love a bit of conspiracy!
7: The Dalai Lama –  I’ve always wanted a one to one with this spiritual guru as I am sure he could sort out my messy head.  I like the fact that he walks around in an orange frock and flip flops and lives in tranquil spa like conditions.  He also meditates a lot which is another term for ‘sleeping’ and I could do with some of that.  I would love the wisdom to spout quotes about life like he does: “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” 
8: Eminem –  Now I could have picked a number of musicians but I have chosen Eminem for the following reasons:  I consider him a modern day poet and speaker. Unafraid to say what he thinks and unload his heart in his lyrical writings which I think he puts together brilliantly. He fought hard for what he wanted and made it to the top of his game. Despite his troubles and difficult background he had the belief, attitude and tenacity to live his dream.  An inspiration.
9: Michael McIntyre –  Again I could have chosen a number of comedians (Eric Morecombe, Ronnie Barker, Dave Allen, Billy Connolly and Peter Kay) who have made me laugh until I cried but I’m sticking with Michael for now.  I love his flouncy nature, his amusing voice and his ability to make everyday things really funny.
10: Elvis Presley:  The King of Rock and Roll.  I’d have to have him there because of his inspiration and the revolutionary changes he made to music, plus he was a beautiful looking man in his younger days.  You’ve got to meet Elvis really and I think he and Eminem could knock out a sensational number one for Christmas!
Obviously, I would have to have extra celebrities at my dinner party in the background and since this is my game and my post I can circumvent the rules.  I would need to have a celebrity cook as I would be far too stressed to knock together a feast fit for such famous people. I couldn’t possibly run the risk of poisoning the son of God or looking dishevelled with my hair tied back and in my pinnie when I’ve got to sit near the likes of the beautiful Mazza. I would choose Gordon Ramsay as my chef as he is a perfectionist and his cursing would give Eminem a run for his money.  I would insist that Karl Pilkington was his Maitre d’ because KP would hate it and I would find that hilarious.  I would also have Oliver Reed on standby in the drawing room for after dinner drinks and debauchery.
 If you could bring a guest to my dinner party, who would it be and why?


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If I’m to be limited to just one guest then it would have to be Billy Connolly; he has been a constant on my guest list since I began playing this game years ago, he is outrageously funny, controversial and widely travelled these days, he’s also a bit of a musician!

Just one girl? What a peahen you are! Having both Oscar Wilde and Stephen Fry might be too much of a good thing. I would invite Joan Rivers for a powerful female voice that would out-funny all of the men. I’m glad you invited my friend Davy Attenborough, he’s a very good boy.

Hilarious post, Jewels! JC or KP? Tough call, that. JC would make Faustino Rioja–and tell tales of Mary Magdalene’s nether piercings–but having KP eat a bit a wasabe upon confusing it for “one mooshy pea” would be priceless…..

Heavenly person: Jesus

Earthly person: C.S. Lewis

Love your choices and this post.

I’d love to bring Kurt Vonnegut – fascinating mind, great writer. I’m not sure what Jesus and The Dalai Lama would think of Kurt’s words, “I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around and don’t let anybody tell you different,” but I suspect it would make for some interesting conversation!

Vincent. Mr Van Gogh facinates me, I would love to find out if we would be kindred spirits x

Anne – that’s a good choice but you must also bring Brian Blessed!

Mr Gorilla Bananas- yes it is slightly male heavy but MM will be the peahen, I’m just interested in the wit and repartee! Ms Rivers would certainly slice through those men with ease!

David- Mary Magdalene had piercings down there? I KNEW it! JC is a sly fox. KP on wasabe would be hilarious!!

Belle – Ah yes, the chronicles of Narnia! I hope JC turns up for both our sakes.

Beth – I would sit Kurt right in-between them both, see who could convert who!

Mandy- see, I want him now! As long as he doesn’t start hacking himself to bits!

haha! This is excellent 🙂 If I had to bring one person to your party? hmmm… would have to be Lady Gaga in her most stupendous outfit. She’s got a brilliant mind and all that, but I’d just love to stare and snigger childishly for most of the evening.

Now that is one interesting dinner list. But I was disappointed I didn’t see Uncle Fester from the Adams family 🙁

Neat post.

Azra – Lady Gaga – I love her! She could rock it out with Eminem and Elvis. I too would probably spend the whole evening sniggering and staring!

Life 101 – You may bring Uncle Fester, Im sure he will amuse all the guests!

You don’t want to invite Byron, he’ll get pissed and smash the place up.

Tony- I know, it will be a riotous party! So will Ollie Reed but I have got JC to put it all in order!

What would JC say if Ollie whipped it out of his trousers? I don’t think anyone did that during the feeding of the 5000.

Maybe he’d turn it into a fish?!

This is the best celebrity party list I’ve ever encountered. I’d murder a local drug dealer (don’t want to go too dark) to get to attend that soiree.

Thanks Megan, you can come anyway without having to murder a drug dealer! Although a few magic mushrooms in the boeuf bourgignon might spice things up!

Michael McIntyre ?!?!?!?

Do you not like him Matt? In retrospect it should have been Eric Morecombe but my comedian entry changes on a whim!

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