Worst job ever.

October 14, 2011 4:35pm Published by Jules Smith in The Art Philosopher 9 Comments

Whilst I dislike that people will judge you based on “what you do for a living”  we all do it to some extent as it gives an insight to what that person is interested in (unless of course you’re a zoologist working at Maccy D’s) However, we should never judge a book by its cover or a man by his profession unless of course they are a traffic warden.  
I’m going to cut to the chase.  I hate traffic wardens but I shall come back to this later.
As a young girl of 8 years old I remember sitting in the classroom whilst the teacher went round the class asking us all what we wanted to be when we grew up.
The usual answers ensued: A vet, an astronaut, a nurse, a model etc.  When it got to my turn, I was terribly excited and replied “I want to be a Lollipop Lady!”  This, to my surprise brought about guffaws, sniggering and finger pointing from all my (alleged) classmates and had me blushing to the point of self combustion and close to tears. Oh how I was mocked, by little 8 year old angels no less.  The judge, jury and executioner is in us even at this innocent age!  
For those of you who don’t know what a ‘Lollipop Lady’ is, let me explain. She is a kindly soul, dressed in fluorescent yellow plastic and wields a big stick with a circle on top (like a huge lollipop) saying ‘Stop -children crossing’.  She is like a warrior of the road and forces massive SUV’s to stop at her will whilst she takes you across to the other side of the street. Mine used to give me sweeties too which is why I looked up to her so greatly.  Sadly, I never achieved this dream position but nor did Thomas Browning get to be an astronaut.  I bet he’s a traffic warden.
Now whilst I was laughed at for my career choice as a child I find as an adult I am in wonderment and disbelief at some peoples chosen profession.  For example:
Janitor at porn theatre: This person chooses to clean up the ‘slop with a mop’ so to speak.  After each session, in they go with latex gloves and disinfectant to remove the bodily fluids that have somehow been expelled to the floor and missed the necessary orifice.  Why anyone would want to do this baffles me but I suppose they get to watch free porn from the sidelines.  
Animal masturbator: A chosen career in the study of animal sperm. Nice. This can be done manually or by using a pulsating electrical probe that you shove into the animals nether regions forcing stimulation.  I’m sure one can be located at Anne Summers if you’re interested.  “I give hand jobs to Bulls” must be a real conversation starter at parties.
Sewer Cleaner:  Walking round in other peoples excrement day after day.  They clear the pipes of sticks and debris so our waste can flow freely.  How on earth do they stand the smell?  How do they manage to find delight in their lunchtime sandwich?
But who wakes up one morning, or after leaving school or college and gets this epiphany : “I want to be a traffic warden”
Why?  I can only assume it is because you are a megalomaniac or you have lost your mind.  Who wants to victimise and extort money from people for a living? (apart from banks)  
You put these people in a uniform and they think they are the police.  Before I start getting a tongue lashing from the ‘do gooders’ of our society I have valid reasons for my loathing.  I have experienced many an injustice from a traffic warden in circumstances where they could have shown compassion.  One particular time I had parked in an allotted space, paid for my ticket and left to visit the dentist.  Unfortunately I was A WHOLE 3 MINUTES late returning to my vehicle because the dentist had suffered from a vomiting attack. This particular short, stout, Gollum looking mare (I do tend to pick on all possible human flaws when annoyed) had another TW (AT) in training with her so was obviously showing off her mighty authority.
“ WAIT, I’M HERE”  I shouted as I ran over to my car  “Come on, I’m only 3 minutes late!”
“ It’s still 3 minutes late and I have now commenced writing the ticket”  she barked (Like a pitbull)
“Then. stop. writing. it.” I suggested.
“Laws are laws and rules are rules” she spouted like true evil.
Now this sort of behaviour lends itself to abuse.  I won’t continue with the rest of the dialogue but I’m pretty sure that the TW in training opted for a job in retail instead.
 So, dear TW’s, feel free to put your nasty black and yellow, fear inducing, extortionate tickets on those that park on zig zags, block roads or blatantly take the rise but as for the rest of your ticketing, it’s just out and out BULLYING and in my opinion it is the worst job ever.


Leave a reply

How sweet that you wanted to be a Lollipop Lady. Had I been the teacher, I would have pinched your little cheeks and given you a real lollipop. Maybe you could have taken on the Traffic Wardens if you’d realised your ambition. In a fight between two humans, the one holding the traffic sign has a definite tactical advantage.

my mother got fined because the date on her blue badge had faded a bit in the sun. it’s obvious you can’t fight such stupidity.

There is nothing wrong with being the lollipop lady! The kids here fight to be crossing guards in school and the adult ones are always adored by the staff and the kids alike. They get the respect of the drivers too (as most drivers in the school area are also parents). I say it’s win/win!

In Canada, they are called Parking Enforcement Officers. Quite the fancy, official-sounding title for people with no soul… I do believe the uniform gives them delusions of grandeur.
(I’ve had more than my share of encounters with these “officers.”)

When I was a kid my answer to that question was always, “A mother.” I did attain my goal and it is the best job for me! I think your answer was intelligent and sweet. This was someone who helped people every day.

Mr Gorilla Bananas- you’re so right. A big wielding lollipop would have definitely made that Gollum creature stop writing her ticket!

Cherries- that is terrible and It’s that kind of inane stupidity that makes me incandescent with rage!

Angie- everybody loves the Lollipop lady it seems, maybe the good can overcome the evil!

Beth – exactly! Soulless, heartless, jobsworths! If you stand still on the street long enough over here you’ll get a fine!

Belle- there is no better job than that of a Mother (and of course lollipop lady’s) and I know you’ll be a brilliant one!

Sweet lollipop lady 🙂

I had wanted to be a nursie cuz I liked the white dress and hat, and when I was about 10, it was cool to want to be an astronaut, and then when i grew a little older and had more sense, i had wanted to become a war correpondent in Somalia!

– Jaya J –

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a cop. I can’t even imagine doing that today. But there was something so honourable about it back in the early 80’s… or maybe it was just a power trip; yeah I’ve had issues since like forever 😉

Jaya J – I love your ambitious nature! I wonder what you’ll want to be in another 10 years!

Azra- police are worthy of their uniform! I love people with issues, they are the most interesting!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published
Required fields are marked (*)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.