The Forgotten Art of Ranting

Whimsy on a Wednesday bringing you self-help options from a weary writer.

Sometimes I get to whimsy on a Wednesday and instead I’m feeling weary on a Wednesday. That’s not probably what readers want to know. Readers want to be whimsied and have a laugh at the stuff that goes on in my black comedy of a life. So do I! But, unfortunately, sometimes there isn’t a laugh.

This week has been filled with problems, vexations to the spirit, peoples pains and worries. I feel like a ship tied in a choppy harbour trying to stay afloat, clinging on to the side. I have to try to stop and think. Not react. Every time I react I make things worse but if I have a sense of injustice, I can’t let go. I am an accidental vigilante and life coach. This occurs naturally within me and I’m always at the front to fight to make it right.

And now I’m not.

That’s what’s happened. I’ve exhausted myself with other peoples stuff and it’s actually ridiculous. Wearing. I’m not doing it anymore. Thankfully, I’ve got a rant book. Yes, a rant book. Other people journal. How frightfully pedestrian.

I periodically scribble vitriol and angst like a writer possessed by an insatiable spirit. I never read it back; I don’t think I could read it because:

• my writing is so scruffy like an engineer meets doctor.

• at rant speed it’s illegible.

• it would probably scare me

I can’t remember who suggested writing things down but I’ve taken it to a whole new level and, well, it works. I spew it all out, randomly, incoherently, and then I feel OK. I have several rant books on the go because I keep losing them and start anew. I came across a random rant in my book of song lyrics the other day. Yeah, that’s definitely not a song, I thought. Not unless you put it to a death metal melody.

As self-help books and journaling hit a high to aid with all our first world problems, I can tell you, hand on heart, that a rant book is the thing. Perhaps my next new book should be ‘The Write Way to Rant’ This could take my authorship to new heights - the only self-help book you need that can cure you of all your ills and worries. I’ll even throw in a free pen.

You heard it here first.

But then I remembered watching The Rings of Power, and the Dwarf King having a Book of Grudges. I recalled thinking that was an exceptional idea and how is it that the Lord of the Rings franchise hasn’t produced a Grudge Book? And if they have, how has nobody thought of buying me that for Christmas?

Hmm, I thought to myself, that would lend itself nicely as an appendage to the rant book. But then maybe that’s too far. That would just bring out my inner Beth Dutton and the dramas would tenfold.

And this is why I create. As in, the nice type of creating. The art of drawing and painting, penning a lyric, botanical apothecary. It calms me down, it lets me escape the detritus, the tit-for-tats, the spats, the hiatus hernias. It frees the sickness so beauty can be born. That’s nice, isn’t it? It’s wonderful that you can draw a positive thing from a negative place. So if I was going to life-coach you out of your problems I would say:

• Get a rant book.

• Maybe have a back page for grudges but try not to fixate on that part.

• Do a creative thing.

And to think I was going to talk to you about the forgotten art of knee painting! But where would that have got you?

You’re welcome.