Tex – The Lone Wolf Timber Dog

August 7, 2019 7:34am Published by Jules Smith in Whimsy On A Wednesday 18 Comments

Satirical Snapshots Bringing You Wolfie Whimsy On A Wednesday!

I’ve been on a waiting list for many months.  

Patiently (or not so) waiting for the ultimate weapon in my newly formed army.  The sniper! I told Kevin all about it.  He flicked his tail violently and scurried to his cave. Dragons are very competitive.

And then…

eventually…

it happened.

On the 4th June, ten little wolfalikes were born and one of them was mine.  After stalking the breeder from Shima Onida Wolfdogs for 8 weeks ( nearly camping outside her house and knocking on her door at every given opportunity) I was finally able to take my puppy home. 

Meet Tex –  The Lone Wolf Timber Dog

A first generation Timber puppy from The ‘Angel and Demons’ litter.

Pedigree name: Shima Onida Lucifer. 

Because if anyone was going to get a hellhound, then it’s me. 

His about town moniker is Tex.  Tex Larry Lupo of Wolfendom – The Lone Wolf Timber Dog. 

AKA #TyrannosaurusTex #Texterminator and many other punny-like nicknames I have ready to go up my sleeve.  Please feel free to join in.

I did consider calling him ‘Wesson’, cos, ya know, that would have been amusing.

The Timber Dog Club UK

As a relatively new breed, not many people have heard of the Timber Dog. 

“The Timber Dog Club UK are still in the process of creating new bloodlines. New bloodlines have been introduced to improve health, temperament and conformation. All Timber Dogs to date carry recent wolf content, it is relatively low – But it is still there. Therefore families overseas, especially in the USA need to keep this in mind when enquiring for puppies as some States in the USA do not allow dogs with any wolf content. “

Shima Onida

The breeders definitely know what they are talking about, hence the long waiting list and produce only the best dogs to those who they deem worthy of dealing with such a breed. Their Inuits are closely related to the wolfalikes used in the Game of Thrones series.  My breeder has a beautiful Timber dog who actually met Karl Drogo.  I would have died. 

Below is a picture of a Timber wolf on the left at 9 weeks old and my low-wolf-content Timber puppy dog, Tex- Mex, on the right at 8 weeks old.

A Howling Similarity.

Because this breed is not well known, I have been asked so many bizarre questions when carrying him out and about to get him socialised, stopping to sit outside coffee shops in order to meet lots of interesting people. 

I have started to take the path of least resistance. 

“OH MY GOD! Is that a fox?!”

*sigh* “Yeah”

Or…

“What is he?  He looks like a kangaroo!”

‘He’s a KangaPoo”

“Wow!  Where do you get those from?”

“It’s a one off.  An opportunist poodle came across a sleeping Kangaroo.  There was a jump he wasn’t expecting…”

And so on… 

Texcitable Times

But on the whole, he has been met with dribbles, tears of joy, open mouthed wonderment, and melted the hardest of hearts with his adorableness.  I’ve never had so many visitors. 

He’s forever at my feet and I am unable to walk properly anymore because he has turned into my shadow. He knows who the General is. Good dog.  And, he howls when I eat a bacon sandwich because  bacon is for dogs, obvs. Smart.

A Dragon, a Truck, and a Tex. Who says a chick can’t have everything? 

 

Friday Night In A Flash!

July 26, 2019 1:28pm Published by Jules Smith in Head of the Fable 6 Comments

The Challenge:  A Minute Poem

Write about something that can happen in sixty seconds using only sixty syllables (8,4,4,4, x 3)

Err, Ok then.  How about a typical Friday night out?

Getting Ready

The Ladder

Lipstick is perfect, eyebrows too,
Powder not cracked,
Contour exact,
Hair, quite a do.

Torso wafted through perfumed air,
Slip on the dress,
Nylons are next,
Ten denier.

A moment to sheer second skin,
Slide over knee,
Hear it break free,
Ladder shows shin.

The Drink

Margarita

Some might say she’s the Devil’s tart,
Full of suspense,
Disables sense,
Captures the heart.

The waiter’s witch, shaken with ice,
Dressed as a wench,
In orange French,
And zest, for life.

The minute made Señorita,
Drinks in the game,
You taste her name,
Margarita.

 

Meeting The Man Of Your Dreams

Third Base

A little bit anxious when he
knocks at the door,
date number three,
means giving more.

He’s holding some wine and wearing
a grin, carnal
of course, as he
wants to see skin.

Wham-bam and thank you, the deed is
soon done, who knew
sixty seconds
could be such fun!

 

Happy weekend!

What A Load Of Bull!

July 18, 2019 12:30pm Published by Jules Smith in Off Piste Posting (Any day thoughts) 14 Comments

Satirical Snapshots Eventually Getting Round To Posting!

And as usual, there’s a lot of bull….

The County Fair 

Nothing says you’re in England quite like a Big Wheel, a man in a suit and a bowler hat, a pretty girl in boots, and a white coated pubescent walking a giant bull.  It all goes on over here.

Farmers – they’re a bit mad aren’t they?  I can attest to this from an experience I had at a “Young Farmers Ball” once upon a time.  A man in tweed and expensive wellies, who’s not afraid to ram his arm up inside a heifer, is of a different breed.  And when drunk on cider at a posh do full of fillies in frocks they’re even worse.  Maybe all they can see is cattle?  Terrifying.

Off I went to the County Fair to see what was going on.

Farmers are very proud of their moo cows.  Brushing them, making them stand correctly by hitting them with a stick, and smiling whilst a burly judge has a good look around them and pins a rosette on his favourite.  I don’t quite know what he’s looking for… Is it going to make a good burger? 

Look At The Cajones On This Beast!

My word! 

Well, the farmer judge turned up in a fitted tweed two-piece and seemed to be in his element.  

Get a load of this fine rump! He had a good old stroke around that and seemed to adopt this rear position with ease.  Like he’d maybe done it before…

And then straight underneath for a good old feel of Mr.Bull’s swinging tackle!  

Why?

Brave.  And, like I said, a bit mental. 

And if you’re not about the bollocks you can take a turn at pulling titties.  

Or, understand the fine art of fleecing with our Nobby!

Who seems to have the Norfolk horn…

It’s all very animal farm.

However, it’s not all bestiality.  For those looking for a bit of refinement there was falconry, giant tortoises, some classic cars, and a rather nice show of horse and cart riding.

I quite fancy my hand at this!  How very elegant and refined! I could see that looking pretty good parked outside my house next to my truck!

This event rounded off nicely with a magnificent display of horsemanship.

Not that my mind was on sausages or anything but you can’t leave a good farming show without a bit of Lincolnshire’s finest meat.

A footlong too.  They make ’em big over here.  The farmers are always saying so.

Take a gander at that, my American friends! You have some competition from across the pond.

Needless to say,  that kept my mouth full for a while…

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