Satirical Snapshots Bringing You Whimsy On A Wednesday!
From the title of this blog, I would bet my top hat and tails that you thought something “ooh-err-misses” might follow.
Something a little bit juicy perhaps? Well, yes you are right.
Something a bit top rack? Yes, also correct.
But not in the way you think, dear reader, and quite frankly, I’m outraged. What sort of blog do you think this is?
The Brave New World
I got taken on a magical mystery tour to go and do “Something Exciting” last week. Generally, I’m a big fan of being taken into the wilderness and given a challenge but for some reason when I was told about this surprise I found myself being a bit of an arse.
“I don’t really like surprises, can you just tell me what it is?”
“No.”
“Well what am I supposed to wear?”
“Anything you like.”
“Fine. I shall come in a ball gown and disastrously high heels.”
“OK.”
It definitely wasn’t kayaking then. Or, maybe it was…
Barn Art The Food Of The Soul
Turns out it was pottery painting. In a large barn in the middle of a field, in the middle of nowhere.
What happens is that you pick a pot of your choice and you paint it.
I chose a large jug because I like to use them as vases. They’re more interesting than vases and they can double up and be used for lashings of gravy when the flowers die.
Normally, you only get one hour to paint at these places but thankfully this one lets you stay until you’re finished. Good job, because my idea took four- long-hours. In my wisdom, I decided to paint a wildflower scene on my jug so that it went with the vase theme. Never doing that again. By the time I’d painted my last poppy and cornflower I had a deep hatred for anything floral. What I neglected to take into account was that you have to paint each thing three times over if you want the colour to pop. I maybe should have listened to that part of the pre-training before I decided to paint a forest garden.
That said, I prevailed and shouted, “I’ve Finished! Hallelujah!” just as the woman who ran the place had decided to bugger off and lock me in.
Ewer Won’t Believe it
You have to leave your masterpiece behind so the lady can glaze it and make it all professionally shiny. I hate waiting for things. A few days later I went to collect my pitcher of painted perfection and I was not disappointed.
Decanter your pre- conceptions and take a look at my growler! [informal. a pitcher, pail, or other container brought by a customer for beer and not what you thought]
I thought about investing in a kiln but then remembered I already have 465 hobbies.
Have You seen That Anchor?
And then there was more!
“There’s a pop-up smokehouse at the back of The Anchor in Plungar. Fancy a burger?”
“Don’t mind if I do.”
The surprises just kept getting better!
Deep in the Vale of Belvoir, in the back garden of a country pub, came “Smiffy’s Smokehouse ‘Burger Fest.'” Known throughout the land for bringing the deep south flavour of authentic BBQ to street food.
Meat lover, (and once actor), Aaron Smith, got to know some guys in America who did cook-offs and became southern inspired, buying his own smoker and dishing up hard-wood smoked brisket, burgers, and pork, along with pit beans, chilli and loaded fries. Over the last few years his food has gone down a storm in the restaurant area and now he also does pop-up smokin’ BBQ’s at venues.
The weather was good. The beer was flowing. The punters were jolly. A medley of country rock blared from the speakers. Thank God my cowboy boots were mended because I felt proper authentic.
To be fair, this was one of the juiciest and tastiest burgers I’ve ever eaten.
With loaded fries, of course.
Rumours spread fast in village England. So good was the pop-up burger fest that even Jason Momoa came for a snack.
Followed by one of Tupac’s stage managers.
You don’t have to go far to see the infamous here.
Put that in your brioche bun and smoke it, Hollywood.
