Oh My Cloche!

Whimsy on a Wednesday bringing you kitchen cover to football glory!

I had absolutely no idea that the little mesh dome I’ve been putting over cakes, sandwiches and the occasional overconfident wasp was called a cloche. I’d happily gone through life referring to it as that pop-up umbrella thing for the food.

When I say thing I mean a net.

Talking of net, did you see the the goals that went into the back of the Mexico net in the middle of the night on Sunday/Monday morning? Me too. I will never regret missing a night’s sleep to watch the best ever game of the World Cup tournament so far. Not that I’m obsessed or anything.

Back to the cloche. Like I was saying, I never knew it was called that. When somebody told me it was called a cloche I questioned this and looked it up. Spelled it wrong, we all did as we sat around the cloche on the patio table eating picky bits in the sun.

Is it klosh?

Sounds Jewish.

No, that’s not it. Is it closh?

That sounds a bit amateur. Like something you might buy from a plumbers merchant or Halfords.

No, it’s cloche. The French word for ‘Bell’.

Ah. Makes sense. We should have thought of that. Like those silver platter things?

Ahhh. Yes.

Are we peasants?

Yes.

Talking of bells, did you see Jude Cloche-ingham pound those two goals into the Mexican net? One after the other in a show of professional excellence. Did I mention how my heart nearly stopped? Despite the fact that Mexican fans tried to blind him with laser beams they didn’t blind his creative genius. FAIL, Mexico.

In the UK, Greggs stopped selling their Mexican sandwiches in support of the English football team. That’s what I call loyalty and sign of an excellent marketing team. Hats off to you, Greggs.

Talking of hats, a cloche is also a bell shaped hat for a woman. Not that I’ve ever worn such a thing; it doesn’t sound very attractive. Headwear has to make a statement.

Talking of statement headwear there is also the cap. Harry Kane - AKA King Kane, has 119 caps for England appearances and is the 4th top goal scorer in current world cup. When I watched him take the penalty against Mexico I nearly had a stroke. I hate penalties. But of course, he Kaned it. Even though Mexican supporters stayed outside the England team’s hotel whilst they tried to sleep, playing music and letting off fireworks. But Harry Kane, true captain that he is, said - it was just like kicking out time from Spoons- quite comforting actually. FAIL, Mexico.

Back to the Cloche before I lose my focus, it is also a net that can be used for seedlings. This helps young plants harden outside without being eaten by your local pigeon or Colin the caterpillar.

Talking of seeds, England are seeded 4th in the FIFA table ( not that we can trust anything FIFA says or does in their sporting corruption) and I feel that after our last performance, we could win the world cup. But then I always think that.

As long as England can get past The Striking Viking, Messi, and MBappé and play with the same relentless determination, well, It could happen… Maybe we could get our red card overturned too?

Until Saturday, my friends.

Right, I’ve just ordered an 8 piece cloche set from Amazon. There won’t be any flies on my red and white sarnies.