Sip Happens
Whimsy on a Wednesday bringing you the hydrated notes of pebble and regret.
I was going to talk about who made the Moon…
It’s at the right point to create tidal variations on Earth for life, exactly the right distance from the sun, making it the perfect size to cause an eclipse. Meteors hitting the Moon cause a maximum depth of 2-3 kilometres regardless of the size of the impact and the Moon is not as dense as Earth.
But I thought, there’s no point talking about that because you’ll all think I’m mad so instead I’d like to discuss water sommeliers.
Yes, you read that right.
Whadda Wha?
Eau My Word
I went to some friends’ house the other evening for a chilli, a rhubarb fool, and a nice bottle of wine. My pal told me that she’d listened to a show about water sommeliers and urged me to listen.
For people who do not have a penchant for a fine wine please see me, there’s a new rival on the block. Posh water. It’s a thing. People are travelling around to do “water tasting” and the vocation of assessing the mineral content and saline quality in your mouth is growing. You can obtain certification from the Fine Water Academy and learn the key concepts of water and how to tell its story: virginality, minereality, vintage, the epicurean integration, and of course, the iconic brands.
Even though we have the best drinking water in the world coming straight out of the tap for free, what’s a bit of chlorine or fluoride between friends, the mineral content of some bottled waters are becoming nutritional must haves. Some of these waters have detoxifying properties and contain essential magnesium, potassium, high hydration, and balance the PH of your body to perfection.
Then there’s the collectables…
Liquid Luxury
Of course, it wouldn’t be the same unless fashion poked its nose in so we could rip off the stupid. Or is this the next art investment? Perhaps I should start painting with fancy water so my art is worth thousands. This could be my moment.
The most expensive bottled water is Acqua di Cristallo tributo a Modigliani. I mean, it’s a bit of a mouthful already isn’t it, and goes for $60,000 per 24 karat gold bottle.
Fillip Jewellery Water in Swarovski donned bottles is going for $1,180 a litre. BLING me a bottle of that if you will, sir!
Svalbaroi Polar Iceberg Water. Sourced, no less, from gourmet Arctic icebergs. Frozen in price @ $185 per litre. Bargain!
As I was listening to this show at 3am this morning, the woman on this water mission visited a place in Cheshire where a rather funny, bearded Viking, found a spring under his pub and is now making a mint with his own bottling plant. Smart.
Even closer to me is a place called Buxton. Everyone has heard of that premium British water which takes a 5000 year journey through limestone. But, here’s the thing -if you go to Buxton they have a couple of fountains that spew it out for free.
Free.
You only have to say that once to a Brit.
Subsequently, there a people rolling up with empty bottles and ewers, filling up and probably selling it on eBay. One couple drive a good hour and a half from Leicester every couple of weeks to fill up so they can have a constant supply in their fridge. Another woman buys cheap bottles of water from Morrisons, tips it down the sink, and then refills them with life-giving Buxton spring.
I’ve got to say, I’m tempted. Perhaps if I go and load up I can do a trial for the savvy readers of this article. Maybe I’ll become purified.
In the meantime, if you fancy having a go yourself, here’s what to do: Get yourself a pricey water. Take a mouthful, swish it around your mouth like a mouthwash (gross) and swallow. Your mouth is now prepared for tasting. Enjoy nature’s delicate tones and the nuance of sweet and creamy minerals as they refresh your essence.
I even considered becoming a water sommelier for a laugh but then thought, you probably have to have an exceptionally clean palate: no bacon, no garlic, no vin-de-necessaire.
I honestly don’t think I’m disciplined enough.