33 ~ Jules Smith

September 22, 2016 11:54am Published by Jules Smith in Everyday Jules 20 Comments

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Jules Smith ~ 33 ~ brings you a collection of thirty -three, flash fiction stories offering a snapshot in time and delving into the many layers of human behaviour. Each tale exposing the rich tapestry of emotion that we all prefer to hide behind closed doors.

There’s nothing quite as interesting as human behaviour. People are all about their public presentation and how well they are perceived to the outside word. But me, well I like to tear through those veils and pull out all the real human emotions and flaws that stay locked within.

Those of you who know me well or have followed this blog for sometime, are aware that I have an odd penchant for photographing doors from around the world. I don’t know why, but I find doors fascinating; particularly really old, weathered doors that have stood strong against the years and been passed through by many.

Some doors stay barricaded; some are always open; some hang on their hinges bearing the tattered scars of life. Doors have stories and so do people.

My new book ~ 33 ~ brings you a collection of thought provoking short stories: sometimes dark, truculent or moving and at other times, cynically humourous. I guarantee there will be a story in here that resonates with you.

33 is a book that is suitable for ages from 20-100 and any gender which means I have thoughtfully got your Christmas presents for everyone all wrapped up. They’ll even gift wrap and post it from Amazon leaving you with spare time to enjoy the festivities whilst everyone else trudges the streets with carrier bags slicing into their fingers. You’re welcome.

So,

If you love me, you’ll buy my book.

If you like me, you’ll buy my book.

If you don’t like me, why are you here? GET OFF MY PAGE! Go to another page – preferably Amazon and buy my book ~ 33.

Good karma comes to those who buy – Bad JuJu comes to those who don’t…

Available now as a paperback or on Kindle from Amazon platforms around the globe.

BUY: HERE FOR UK  BUY: HERE FOR USA

A Bunch Of Fives

September 19, 2016 5:51pm Published by Jules Smith in Everyday Jules 28 Comments

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Yeah…you lot wanna be careful because I’ve got an indestructible bunch of fives.

And aside form a sharp right hook, I also have a beautiful run of first edition, new £ five pound notes.
This is a whole new type of plastic my friends, oh yes.

Scrumple proof
Waterproof
Built to last

Not fire proof ( I tried) – not entirely indestructible cos when I got my scissors out and cut one in half it lost but, I’ll give it its due, this note really IS waterproof because when I cried after going through twenty quids worth of them, my tears ran over it like rivulets of rain down a pane of glass.

Do you want me to show you the money?

fullsizerender-2  Thats the Elizabeth Tower AKA – Big Ben, from the south bank of the Thames looking across Westminster Bridge. Ding Dong.  I’ve been up that tower and into the workings of the clock and heard Big Ben chime at 3.00 pm.  You can only do that if you’re English and get a special pass from your MP.  That’s how important I am. You can see through it like a window on this fiver and the clock’s hands are at 3 o’clock – the time on 13th May 1940 Churchill made his famous “I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat,” speech in the House of Commons.

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There’s also a background image of the Nobel Prize medal he was awarded in 1953 for literature, together with the wording of the prize citation.

Since I’m coming back to America in less than a fortnight I’m bringing a whole bunch of these notes with me and will be selling them off for $30 each.  What? A starving artist has got to try her hand at making a few quid, ya know!

And the old fivers (which will cease to be legal tender by spring next year) well… I can do those at the discounted rate of $29.99

Snooze, you lose.

Who said Brits were stupid, eh?

Awkward Annie

September 15, 2016 4:55pm Published by Jules Smith in The Art Philosopher 19 Comments

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Oh, well hello, and fancy seeing you here, big smile, winky face, you need to pull up a chair, dear.
And please, ignore my common mask all painted up and pretty, that’s just to keep you feeling safe, to make you think I’m normal, cos underneath the usual is really rather gritty. The joker smiles and don’t you know, that on the whole, I find it kind of funny – oh there’s a pun! Why thank you, hun, yeah this one’s on the money. No matter if you’re close enough or even really far, I‘ll assess you like a buyer might a classy, pricey car. I’m noting those reflections and the way the alloys spin, and I’ll enjoy the show, cos that’s all it is, charades, charades in buckets and spades, but honestly I’m more intrigued with what’s going on within. So take a pew, just me and you and shoot some whisky with the breeze, keep up your easy, playful style and I’ll pretend so effortlessly, that I can’t see the wood for all the monkey trees. Are you sure…really sure? Well hello, Jackdaw! Tell the barkeep to line me up another full score. Keep it coming, don’t be wary it’s a game of give and give and a dozen Hail Mary’s; a social kind of interactive tennis match of fake, but darling let me tell you that will be your first mistake. Are you strong? Courageous? I implore that you are; like a dirty, jacked – up pick-up truck complete with steel bull-bar. Cheers! Clink glasses, to health and to happy; mundane, mundane and years all the same- I’m bored with all that, care to show me your pain? Let me see you, tell me do, it’s safe in this harbour, OOPS! Did I just spot a chink in your armour or is that amour; let me push this some more. Well, you opened up a crack in the the great guarded door! Good lord, pardon me, did that make you sore, when I poked at your fleshy parts with my double edged sword? But I’m certain I saw it, that glowing red button, and should I press it will I get an almighty explosion, ejection or ejacul….WHAT? You really think I push boundaries without hesitation? And all of a sudden I have your attention. Let’s quickstep this through and I’ll spin you anew, the perfect, whirling, deflective dancer for if you ask me a question you won’t like the answer and I can’t have that and you letting me down, so down, I can feel the frowning despair and I might need to call my emergency clown. I might feel inclined, so very in fact, if that’s how I’m going to get into your mind. Cagey and cryptic, that’s what you spin, but I just took your bishop whilst you played at mystic and now we’re this far, this far but still left in the dark till the night becomes morning but I tend to get restless so don’t leave me yawning; monotonous time and its usual ticking and ticking and twirling my locks when I’d much rather be jumping adventurous tocks and taking my angle from outside the box. Chin chin! to another, has it made you feel dizzy? And whilst you were busy running the gauntlet, I don’t want to flaunt it, but you should have thought or you should have said, oh dear, well here’s to the death of it, ’Off with his head!’ But sure, I’m just playing, here look at my smile, it’s always best kept in a jester style status so that this situation stays inviolatus.
Awkward Annie they call me, but what’s in a name? And my black and white board’s always set for the game.

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