Whimsy On A Wednesday: Sipping, Tripping, and Laughing With Friends. 

I’ve been a bit cultured and a bit mad this week. I don’t know if there’s a word for that. My mum calls it contrary. I call it spirited. 

Talking of alcohol…

My friends and I did a bit of wine tasting and time wasting again. Like last time but with less wine. This time we didn’t add music or drink several bottles and end up doing the Haka. That’s growth. 

We are both members of the same wine club which I know sounds horribly pretentious and that’s because it is. We decided to choose two club reds and two supermarket reds. We wrapped them all in brown paper and shuffled them around so we didn’t know which was which.  Turns out our palates are very well refined now as the supermarket fine wines ended up down the sink.

“Tastes like the inside of a doll’s head,” said my friend. 

Talking of playing with friends…

Another one of my pals asked me to go to a play. A play! I haven’t been to one of those since I lost the will to live when I went to watch Hamlet for 4 hours. 

I agreed and then found out that we were going to see ‘The Minority Report’, that film with Tom Cruise in. Yes, they’re all the same, it’s Tom Cruise. I wondered how they were going to portray such a story on a stage so I bought a big bag of sweets in case I got bored. I’m not good at sitting still for 2 hours unless absolutely thrilled. 

Well, hats off to the director Max Webster because I didn’t even notice myself eating all my fruit pastilles and getting upset by the orange ones – that means it must have been good!  I was rather astounded by the way they choreographed the whole thing and the genius, creative ideas put into action.  There’s no room for amateurs in this game.

Talking of clowns…

In my peculiar realm where whimsy waltzes hand in hand with shadows, the clown emerges. A painted grin stretched eerily wide, mirroring the madness of this fragile wonderland. 

You see, I have a peculiar penchant for sipping tea in the most outrageous and unpredictable places and donning a nose to make a man as uncomfortable as a foot in a cheap plastic shoe.

As the clock hands twist and tock in impossible directions, I find myself in a winter spring garden. Teacups sprout from the ground aside snowdrops and crocus heads. A table waits, adorned with eccentricities. The chair in which I settle seems to giggle beneath my weight and a wood pigeon asks for a wetting of his whistle.

 “Don’t you know that clowns drink tea, my dear? Haven’t you heard them laughing at us from across the water about a brew that sparkles with an unsettling gleam? The teapot is alive, whispering secrets only I can comprehend, so please be careful with your loose lips.”

I sip and the world contorts; reality itself unravels. My tea, hot and strong, milky and soft – a concoction of wonderland essence that fuels the madness. Flowers converse in riddles as I clown over a court of whimsical chaos. Yet darkness always lingers beneath the surface, the smile, the frown, of the desperate and so misunderstood clown. 

Each slurp unravels a tale of paradoxical joy and chilling malevolence, a blend of delightful disturbance found over the hill where wild hares dare to jump. As the teacup clinks against its saucer, the echoes reverberate through my wonderland and tell you, and whoever else may be listening, that the best tea parties are never served with lemon and ice.

No, I’m not smacked off my tits, drunk, or insane. I’m just imaginative.

There’s nothing dodgy in my PG Tips. Which, incidentally, if you’re reading this Mr Tips, can you please bring back the pyramid teabag or I’m moving to Yorkshire tea. 

Talking of brews…

Some people prefer a herbal variety like chamomile, made from delicate white flowers that are basically daisies. I’m not a fan. I’m very simple when it comes to things and if you’ve got a good thing going, don’t mess around with it.  It’s like that Bubble Tea that people rave about. Last summer I went to a food fair and was asked to try it. After a bit of negotiation I caved and said I would. I took one swallow of it and spat it out on the floor, much to the alarm of everyone around as I was in public. Don’t care. It was like dredging a pond full of frog spawn. Never again. I can’t believe people fall for this malarkey. I’m very particular about my beverages.

Talking of law…

Here is Tex as a Praetorian Guard for LL.  We all need a bit of corrupt safeguarding. Oh wait…