Valentine’s day should be left to the freshly fallen lovers. At this stage of amour your beloved only has to say hello to you and it’s the best present in the world. Next year, you have your work cut out for you.
This day is at its most exciting when you receive a mysterious card or token and spend the whole of the next week analysing who it is from and hoping it’s from that dream person you’ve been idolising from afar. Nine times out of ten, it never is. If you are already in a relationship then proof of love is required which is ridiculous as love can not be commercialised. However, no woman will ever think that when all her pals are getting pretty flowers.
Womens expectations will be too high and men will be wondering how much money they have to spend so you’re not an arsey bitch to them all day.
It’s a no win situation:
- You send her a mixed bouquet. Translation: You couldn’t be arsed to fork out the cash for red roses and decided to buy her fillers instead.
- You send red roses. Translation: Nice but you could have thought outside the box and made an effort to be unique and specific to her desires.
- You send her chocolates. Translation. She’s on a diet and you know that. You’ve only done that so you can eat them and because they were on offer at Tesco. She also noticed that when she went shopping the other day.
- You send her all the above plus a slap up meal with champagne and a voucher for All Saints to get that frock she likes. Translation: You’re cheating on her.
And cards…well….that’s a tricky one. If it’s funny and not romantic that means you don’t love her anymore. If it’s romantic then careful what you write because it will have to be poignant and heartfelt or she’ll just think you’re paying her lip service, which, as it happens is what she’s doing when she says, “Thank you darling, that’s lovely.”
So, with all that in mind, I’ve decided to send you all a bunch of smackaroos from me and hope that today is filled with unconditional love. I’ve taken some arty ‘lip’ photos to mark the occasion.
36 Comments on Lip Service
Tracy
14th Feb, 2015 15:02
You are right on Jules. Valentine’s Day…well pretty much all of the holidays…have been so overtaken by commercialism that they are a set up for disappointment for most people. The expectations that are pretty much forced upon us can take all the fun out of it if we let it happen. I am with you…let’s blow the world loads of kisses…yours were gorgeous by the way…and carry on with being happy. xx
Jules Smith
16th Feb, 2015 16:02
Well Tracy, I got no diamonds, no tickets to Bora Bora and no Aston Martin parked in my garage. Colossal disappointment!
XX 😉
Tracy
17th Feb, 2015 05:02
Who needs all that stuff anyway! Next thing you know, he’d be asking you where he put his bloody keys and where dinner is anyway…which is when you’d have to feed him the diamonds in a knuckle sandwich…and wonder why you bothered getting all dolled up in the first place.
If we can only get someone to buy a few tickets to Bora Bora and allow us to hold them till departure day along with the keys to the Aston Martin so we could pick them up to go to the airport. 😉
Jules Smith
17th Feb, 2015 08:02
Hahaha! You’re a smart girl, Tracy 😉
LL
14th Feb, 2015 17:02
I was expecting a “joker” smile…which sends still yet another message to those caught up in ardor. Naturally, I will pine away from afar, as you flaunt your haughty, luscious lips…
Happy V Day.
LL
14th Feb, 2015 18:02
Additionally I quoted you on my blog when a guy made mention that women don’t really know what they want. They don’t know – but men are expected to guess and guess well if they are “in touch with the love of their life’s feelings.”
Guys are just a bunch of F-ed up people who are being set up for failure today no matter how much they spend and how attentive they are.
Jules Smith
16th Feb, 2015 16:02
And the joker smile should have been saved SPECIFICALLY for this day!
Jules Smith
16th Feb, 2015 16:02
I feel sorry for guys on this day, I really do. Except for those who forget the diamonds, the tickets to Bora Bora, the moonlit, beachside dining with private butler, the gucci dress, the new Prada bag, the new car with a big ribbon on and the last rolo in their pocket, ;P
LL
16th Feb, 2015 17:02
The combination of a condo, a credit card and a Corvette undeniably bring a smile to a lady’s face. But they are followed (not more than a week later) with the inevitable question, “what have you done for me lately?”
Jules Smith
16th Feb, 2015 17:02
I’m so glad I’m not a bloke cos that would have me cutting the brakes on her car…
The never ending sacrifice of trying to please a woman. See, they want it all and all at the same time; an impossible balance. Give up.
LL
17th Feb, 2015 21:02
While trying not to be crude, there is something about a woman…sigh….
Jules Smith
18th Feb, 2015 08:02
There is power is being the gatekeeper 🙂
LL
28th Feb, 2015 15:02
And the gatekeeper needs a key master…at times.
I’m interested to see what your take on St. Patrick’s Day will be…
Jules Smith
6th Mar, 2015 09:03
Well, as an English chick I have never celebrated St Patricks day. Were I to be in Ireland or out with a bunch of Irish merrymakers, I would make a leprechaun of all! So, unfortunately, the day will be just like any other. Maybe I should be invited somewhere so I can change this! And I want to start celebrating St Georges day but us English never do because we are made to feel like it’s unacceptable to do so, which winds me up, but that’s a story for another day….maybe 23rd April!
LL
7th Mar, 2015 08:03
I think that you should do a blog series, “bios on invisible people”. Pick a few people that nobody sees – people who blend into the backdrop. You do topics like that very well.
Jules Smith
7th Mar, 2015 20:03
Your wish is my command, Larry 😉 Leave it with me!
Dee
15th Feb, 2015 05:02
Omigosh this gave me the giggles. Thank you. It definitely is a no-win situation!
My fave lip photo is the one with the fork.
Jules Smith
16th Feb, 2015 16:02
Yes I like that one and the one that’s laughing….a bit like this…BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Masher
15th Feb, 2015 12:02
You shouldn’t kiss light switches, because that’s just… weird.
After 20 years of marriage, the current Mrs Masher and I don’t bother with all that Valentines crap. A hearty handshake and a slap up meal at KFC and she’s happy.
Jules Smith
16th Feb, 2015 16:02
It’s not weird at all! It’s a lot of fun and turns your boring, plastic light switch into a very cute and quirky face!
I hope you got her the family bucket! 🙂
Masher
16th Feb, 2015 18:02
I’ve made references to her family bucket before.
She doesn’t like it when I do that.
Jules Smith
17th Feb, 2015 08:02
HA! Yeah, tread carefully there!
David Macaulay
15th Feb, 2015 20:02
very funny Jules – that’s soo true re chocolates – I have totally done that…
Jules Smith
16th Feb, 2015 16:02
Of course you have, you’re male! And you can eat them whilst watching the six nations in peace when she isn’t talking to you. I think I’m onto this cunning plan….
Exile on Pain street
15th Feb, 2015 21:02
Thank you for the lips, especially lip switch. It’s so juicy with London that I wanted to crawl inside and flip it on and off. Our switches don’t look anything at all like that.
Try coming up with 16 Valentines to the same person. It ain’t easy.
Jules Smith
16th Feb, 2015 16:02
I’m so glad you like the quirky lip switch one 🙂
16 valentines to the SAME person? I’ve never liked anyone enough to even entertain that! You must be truly smitten and I give you ten out of ten for effort!
Gorilla Bananas
16th Feb, 2015 18:02
I don’t get Valentine’s Day. Why would a woman feel special because she’s getting a treat on the same day millions of other women are getting similar treats, purely because her beau is scared that if he doesn’t oblige he won’t see her naked again?
Your lip photos do make me feel special, especially the lipstick mark that gets tantalisingly close to the light switch. Oh I get it, it’s suppose to be a face. My dirty ape mind has a mind of its own!
Jules Smith
17th Feb, 2015 08:02
And that’s why Mr. GB, because everyone else is getting stuff she does not want to feel left out. That’s like being an ugly sister next to Cinders. It’s all the fault of fairytales that were read to us in our formative years. If blokes just turned up on white steeds and dressed us in pretty frocks and took us back to his castle full of servants then we’d all be happier.
Ah, you have a brilliant ape mind! There is something very evocative about the lip switch! It always fascinates me what people see in a picture 😉
the late phoenix
16th Feb, 2015 19:02
*kiss* i love your goth nail polish, mah dahlin. the only way to win a no-win game is not to play at all, the movie WarGames taught us all this. but that’s no fun. the Illuminati always has fun cos they’re always making up the rules of the game. now i’m not saying i’m part of the Illuminati but i do own a card-and-candy shop named Illuminaughty…*)
Jules Smith
17th Feb, 2015 08:02
Hans plays with Lotte, Lotte plays with Jane
Jane plays with Willi, Willi is happy again….
It’s like any game, my sweet, if you are going to play then you need to be ten steps ahead and like a chess master. Strategy and stealth are key. Ask the illuminaughty, they know everything *)
Crystal Collier
18th Feb, 2015 14:02
Nice photos! You know, the only gift that can really be taken at face value is the gift of time. This year my Valentine for my hubby was “50 Things I Love About You”, set up as a treasure hunt with each love note on a paper heart. He loved it. I’m terribly allergic to any and all things green, so he’s never had the easy out with flowers, but he tends to make me fabulous desserts that restaurants would kill for. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is. Again, it’s all about the time and thought that goes into a gift. It should always be meaningful to the individual–and not commercial. (I totally agree with you there.)
Jules Smith
6th Mar, 2015 09:03
You two are so romantic! How beautiful.
The Blue Grumpster
22nd Feb, 2015 15:02
I sometimes send myself a mysterious card or token and spend the whole of the next week analysing who it is from and hoping it’s from that dream person I’ve been idolising from afar. .. It never is. Or maybe it is. It depends on my mood.
Love cannot be commercialized… so true, Jules. I never send flowers. I build my favorite women a walk-in closet. That’s all. Call me a romantic. But when I start nailing, you know I always nail it.
I love your arty lips pics. Number one is my favorite.
Jules Smith
6th Mar, 2015 09:03
What a marvellous idea my Blue friend. I shall start sending myself random gifts so I can imagine they are from beautiful strangers….ahhhhh…
I know you can nail it…I KNOW.
The Blue Grumpster
7th Mar, 2015 19:03
How’s life, Jules? I miss you. Let me guess… you’re life is a tad more hectic than you bargained for?
Jules Smith
7th Mar, 2015 20:03
Oh yes indeed, Sir and I’ve bloody had enough! But I’m back now, back with a vengeance so just let anyone try and flippin’ stop me! Missed ya too, did make me blue 😉
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