Valentine’s day should be left to the freshly fallen lovers. At this stage of amour your beloved only has to say hello to you and it’s the best present in the world. Next year, you have your work cut out for you.
This day is at its most exciting when you receive a mysterious card or token and spend the whole of the next week analysing who it is from and hoping it’s from that dream person you’ve been idolising from afar. Nine times out of ten, it never is. If you are already in a relationship then proof of love is required which is ridiculous as love can not be commercialised. However, no woman will ever think that when all her pals are getting pretty flowers.
Womens expectations will be too high and men will be wondering how much money they have to spend so you’re not an arsey bitch to them all day.
It’s a no win situation:
- You send her a mixed bouquet. Translation: You couldn’t be arsed to fork out the cash for red roses and decided to buy her fillers instead.
- You send red roses. Translation: Nice but you could have thought outside the box and made an effort to be unique and specific to her desires.
- You send her chocolates. Translation. She’s on a diet and you know that. You’ve only done that so you can eat them and because they were on offer at Tesco. She also noticed that when she went shopping the other day.
- You send her all the above plus a slap up meal with champagne and a voucher for All Saints to get that frock she likes. Translation: You’re cheating on her.
And cards…well….that’s a tricky one. If it’s funny and not romantic that means you don’t love her anymore. If it’s romantic then careful what you write because it will have to be poignant and heartfelt or she’ll just think you’re paying her lip service, which, as it happens is what she’s doing when she says, “Thank you darling, that’s lovely.”
So, with all that in mind, I’ve decided to send you all a bunch of smackaroos from me and hope that today is filled with unconditional love. I’ve taken some arty ‘lip’ photos to mark the occasion.