Im going to be discussing Fetishes today. Now this may be a topic that doesn’t sit well with some people but Im still going to do it anyway. If you don’t like it stop reading or better still carry on and push yourself out of your comfort zone!
I play an online game where you can chat to people you play with and have intellectual, stimulating and witty conversations and make some great friends along the way. However, every now and then you will play with someone (a very small minority) who asks you something weird. For example: Yesterday I was randomly asked what shoe size I was.
Ooh, maybe I’m playing with a Jimmy Choo rep I thought naively, and he wants to send me some yummy shoes because he’s super nice. Turns out he had a foot fetish. I told him I had lost both my feet in a skiing accident and deleted the game. But such is my inquisitive mind that I needed to understand why someone would have a foot fetish. Why feet? I mean they are not the most beautiful part of the body are they? Why not hands? (hold on…maybe there are people with hand fetishes too- let me just google that…..Yes there are hand fetishes too) Anyway, it turns out that feet are a big thing. I mean seriously. There are even ‘foot fetish’ conventions held where people will get together and pay loving homage to every square inch of your feet. No offense to people with a foot fetish but if you were to put your toes in my mouth I’d slap you in the face but each to their own and I am fascinated by what makes people tick. But there is a positive side to this right? Why am I paying to have a pedicure or reflexology when I can nip on over to one of these conventions, sit down with a large vodka and coke and say “Just give my feet a rub would you love” for hours! Plus there are guys that will even paint your toenails for the love of it!
‘I’ll have L’Oreal, resist chip, 127 please. No, no that bright pink fuchsia one there, thanks. And don’t smudge it!” However, since I didn’t much care for my ‘Garra Rufa’ fish foot sucking experience the minute someone put my toes in his mouth I’d be likely to kick him in the face involuntarily which wouldn’t be good.
Now hardcore fetishes like people who dress up in gimp masks and gain pleasure from serious pain don’t sit too well with me. I just don’t get it. I have a fear of this since I was once in the pub waiting for my friends when someone in a gimp mask tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I was there for the S&M event. He scared me to death. Much to the amusement of my friends hiding in the corner watching.
Now what I can understand is Dominatrix. I mean cool! How hard can that be? Dress up like a tart, be a bossy bitch from Hell, cause pain to men, and go by the name of ‘Miss Demeanour’ And get paid for it?? Why on earth did I not pick this as my chosen career path?! The careers lady didn’t mention that one at school did she. Just imagine it. You wake up in the morning in a grumpy mood (well I do as I hate mornings) don your PVC and leather attire, stiletto boots, whip and handcuffs. Grab yourself a quick coffee before some bloke arrives who you manacle outside to the drainpipe in the rain, give him a few good lashings and if he dares to look at you like that again he’s going to get a serious stiletto stamping. You really wouldn’t have any stress left at the end of the day would you? But seriously, I’d probably be really bad at it (not the bossy bit, got that one down to a tee) and if someone winced in pain, albeit that is what he’s paying for I’d probably say “ Oh I’m really sorry, didn’t mean it, do you want a cup of tea? Bacon sandwich? Let me just get a bandage for that” I guess I’m not really cut out for anything that extreme, which is most unusual! So I will stick to being heavenly, angelic and as pure as the driven snow and if you’re going to ask me my shoe size please make sure its because youve bought me a brand new pair of Manolo Blahniks!